How far would you go to prevent your boyfriend from making a big mistake in his personal life, like cheating?
If you are a musician and TikToker Deshawn Harrisyou’d make an appeal to their wallet to get them to see reason — and then you’d post about it on TikTok.
Last month, the Little Rock, Arkansas-based singer-songwriter posted a video on the social media app in which he slammed one of his married friends for flirting with other women at a nightclub.
“My homeboy got mad at me and won’t talk to me now because we were at the club and wanted to talk to these women, but he’s married,” Harris explains on the now-viral TikTok.
After all the money Harris had spent on the man’s wedding and bachelorette party, he couldn’t just stand by and watch mistakes being made.
“I told him to let it out” he says in the video, which currently has over 526,000 views. “I didn’t spend all my money on your wedding to watch you come into this club and start cheating on her and messing things up.”
Harris says he’s also now friends with his wife, so he had to step in.
“I’m not telling you to walk down that aisle, I’m not telling you to introduce me to this woman and put this ring on her finger,” he told his friend. “You’d better have a seat somewhere, because I spent too much money on your wedding!”
In the comments section, people almost unanimously praised Harris for holding his friend accountable:
- “Friends don’t let friends fall off the cliff!”
- “People need to normalize shaming friends for inappropriate behavior.”
- “This is the homeboy my husband can call and say he’s dating and I’m fine with that.”
Some people slapped Harris for meddling.
In an interview with HuffPost, Harris said he ignores criticism.
“I don’t really read my comments, so it doesn’t bother me,” he said. “I’m just an honest and loyal friend. If I was in the situation he could have done the same to me, I just wouldn’t have gotten mad.”
The singer also gave the video a little more context.
“This night started off smoothly for me and my mate,” he said. “He wanted out, and he knew his wife wouldn’t trust him not to date anyone but me.”
Harris and the friend ended up paying for a reserved table because the place was full.
“These girls saw that we had a department and they came to us. I noticed my homeboy was drunk because he bought a bottle for $200 and just passed it around,” Harris explained. “The women were trying to get him to buy them bottles and asking him where the after party was and stuff like that.”
That’s when Harris pulled his friend aside and had a little one-on-one chat, pointing out the cost of the wedding and a desire to protect his investment.
“Our tuxedos were $350, the Las Vegas trip and hotel was $1,100, the activities were $650, the food was $400, the flights were $550, and that doesn’t include gambling ‘ Harris told HuffPost.
The viral video caught the attention of KurtSmith, a Northern California therapist whose counseling practice specializes in men’s support. Smith told HuffPost that he thinks Harris’ money-centric appeal is brilliant.
“First, it introduced another person who would be hurt by cheating on their boyfriend,” he said. “It’s easy to dump someone, even your spouse, when you’re not around them, but a lot harder when your mate is staring you in the eye.”
Cheating happens because we only think about ourselves, but Harris was trying at that moment to help the guy get out of his desires. (A recent study suggests that the best way to avoid cheating is to try and put yourself in perspective a little — so try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.)
Second, it was wise to include the money issue. “Money is a motivator for all‘ Smith said.
Interestingly, Smith recently advised a married man who was in the same boat as Harris’ boyfriend – just him did He ends up leaving the bar with the other woman.
“This guy ended up hooking up with this other woman and then had an affair with her for a year,” Smith said. “His wife finally found out and he’s been advising me on rebuilding his marriage for more than two years.”
Thanks to therapy, the man is still married, but the rebuilding process was “very painful and costly,” Smith said. “The client kept telling me he wished his friend had done something to stop him.”
“When you find yourself in a situation like this, you have to behave like your boyfriend’s driver for the night and push back any opposition from others – like the girls in Deshawn’s situation. Tell them that you promised to get your friend home safely and that you are true to your word, so go.”
In the case of Harris, the friend finally appreciated the effort.
“Even after that situation, my mate called me and apologized for getting mad at me that night,” he said. “He realized he would have spent thousands of dollars on these women if I hadn’t been there. I will not allow my mate to be played while he’s drunk and with me.”
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