Women’s joy suddenly became the focus thanks to the new film Good Luck To You by Emma Thompson, Leo Grande. And not just any old lady pleasure, but the pleasures and orgasms of middle age.
n the film, 63-year-old Thompson plays a widow Nancy, who hires an escort to try to regain her lost youth and experience some sex she missed. Nancy’s sexual awakening is a delight to watch, as she introduces her mischievous child to a list of “targets”. But what about the rest of us? Can sex really get better with age, or has it all gone downhill after menopause?
Helen Fisher, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of Love Anatomy (Norton and Co). “You got bolder and more refined, so you can tell people what to do and you know your body better and what makes you orgasm.
“But then there is also the physiological side. Estrogen drops suddenly, testosterone drops but not much. Your body is expressing more testosterone, so you can completely maintain your sex drive. Testosterone is the reason why older women become so much more assertive and why they gain weight in the middle the way men do, but it also means they can still be extremely sexual.”
Orgasms can become more elusive after menopause, with many postmenopausal women finding it harder and less satisfying to do so. That said, many women will still need hormone replacement therapy to replenish their declining estrogen levels.
Dr. Becky Lynn, Dr. Becky Lynn, American Gynecologist, Menopause Specialist and Psychotherapist, explain: “Estrogen is the gas that makes the car work. “So if you’re trying to have an orgasm and you hit the gas, but there’s no gas in the car, you’re going to have a hard time getting there. A lot of things can prevent orgasm, not always a lack of estrogen, but after menopause that’s the most common and easiest to treat.”
So can the HRT patches or gels you put on your skin help? “Yes, they can,” Lynn said. “When I’m treating vaginal dryness or menopausal orgasm problems, I’ll treat it topically.”
Some women benefit from the introduction of a vibrator. “Sometimes after menopause, you need more stimulation,” says Lynn. “But then some women become more sensitive, so it’s complicated.” For those still having problems, Lynn recommends checking the OMG Yes website for techniques.
Or it could be the pelvic floor that needs a good workout. “You have to keep the muscles working and keep the muscles lubricated,” says psychotherapist at The Thought House Partnership, Helen Mayor. “I worked with a woman who was worried about menopause and really distressed about her sex life. She was on every medication, HRT, testosterone, she was fantastically motivated and saw a bunch of therapists. She ended up having a pelvic exam and it was the pelvic floor exercises and that really helped her feel sexually and have an easy orgasm.”
Of course not every postmenopausal woman experiences sexual setbacks and many enjoy the new freedoms that midlife offers. They no longer have to worry about birth control methods, or their teens hearing them, and they can make use of every room in the house. But sex is often the first thing that comes to mind during the busyness of middle age, as research shows. Figures from the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (NATSAL), 2012, show that of 15,000 women aged 45-59, more than a third are sexually inactive.
When researchers interviewed women to find out why they stopped having sex, most were simply too tired.
“They are the generation sandwiched between having children later and having aging parents. What’s more important than sex to them is a partner who is there to help and support them with all their needs,” says Professor Kaye Wellings, Professor of Sexual and Reproductive Health in the School of Hygiene and Medicine. Tropical London, who conducted. research.
Sometimes, though, it’s not hormones that make middle-aged women sexually depressed but boredom with a long-term relationship. Fortunately, though, there’s no need to take drastic action or call for the service of a young escort, as long as the sex works and you’re basically happy with it, you can do a lot to re-activate the spark.
“What I would do is spice up the romance (rather than sex),” says Fisher. “Doing novelty things together, novelty boosts the dopamine system in the brain that activates the testosterone system, and can really help with sex drive. That’s why when people go on vacation together, they can suddenly be so sexy together, because maybe they’re dancing rather than watching TV.
“Even going to a new hotel and trying to turn on the shower can be as glamorous as it is novel. And then old people of the same sex will find it more interesting because you are infatuated with it. “That’s not to say you shouldn’t try mixing it up in the bedroom. After 20 or 30 years together, most of us have a well-honed script, but it’s never too late to come up with ideas. You may think, “Oh my partner won’t like that,” but we can easily go wrong. Most of us think we know our partners from the inside out. out, but chances are we really aren’t.
It’s never too late for the earth to move or our partner to surprise us.
© Telegraph Media Group Ltd 2022
https://www.independent.ie/life/can-sex-get-better-with-age-the-truth-about-the-midlife-orgasm-41819803.html Can sex get better with age? The truth about orgasm in the middle of life
