Choosing the Best Partner in Life – Film Daily

You are in the passenger seat of your car with your 6 year old in the back seat. Her whimpers have turned into terrified sobs; your blood is boiling Her awkward spouse behind the wheel has been ranting for 15 minutes, far too loud for the confines of the car. He’s complained that you care more about your job than your family, that you’re always late, that you leave the house in a mess and that you’re just not on task.

This is horrible for you. You would not dream of treating a mouse roaming free in your home with such abuse. But your spouse—your “lover”—feels entitled to it bully You and your little daughter that way.

You ask yourself, “How did I fall into this trap? Before?!”

To help you never end up in this scenario, I will answer this question in three parts: The first relates to our poor choice of partner. The second involves a lack of revision of our views as we get to know the person better. And the third describes how the person tries to manipulate us into staying.

1. Selection of Mr. or Ms. Wrong

Young men and women from all over the world have listed themselves attraction and love as top criteria for marriage and rank them at the top personality Trains. However, research suggests that the happiest married people are those who, regardless of what they think they want, simply end up with spouses who exhibit outstanding personality traits. Especially a spouse emotional stability and compatibility were clearly associated with marriage and sexually Satisfaction, some experts say like Sydney in Melb. Surprise, surprise – it’s better to have a warm, cooperative partner than an unstable, uncomfortable one!

You may think that the spouses sound with excellent qualities boring. You want someone who is very attractive and interesting and believe that you are willing to put up with some moodiness or arrogance in order to have that attraction. But consider how these arrogant, moody individuals descend attention: They are only sporadically available emotionally or physically, giving the impression that access to them is a scarce and therefore valuable resource (see below). Her love and good humor must be earned, a process that keeps any objective evaluation of her character in check.

I suspect that many decent people in such relationships or marriages do not realize that their arrogant partner entered the relationship with an expectation of special consideration until they have endured a very long period of injustice. Much like in a dating relationship where the party who desires the other more must accommodate the other’s desires, the arrogant spouse assumes that you will do more than half the work to make up for your lesser desirability. Your expectation sounds unreasonable, but arrogant people are image builders, not truth seekers, say our dating experts, who are professionals at dating advice.

2. Focusing on the positive obscures the truth

Focusing solely on the good qualities in a partner rather than the bad is a threat to good judgment, especially when deciding who to marry. Consider what Walter Mischel observed about how people judged whether a given person had a certain personality trait (4). He found that they would retrieve and string together examples of that person’s behavior over time that were highly representative of that particular trait—but they would not notice conflicting examples. So he concluded that we think other people are more consistent than they really are. For example, to determine if a friend is taking care of you, we might think back to when she brought us chicken noodle soup when we were sick, lent us money to pay the rent, or threw a surprise party on our 21st birthday. And once we think they’re very caring, we might just overlook their other indifferent behaviors.

Imagine a future wife who imagines that her boyfriend is a very good person – good enough to get married. Her decision is based on the fact that he donates money to feed the poor, never holds grudges, takes it easy when competitive games lose, and often tells her how great she is. But she downplays that time, when he very aggressively berated her for speaking to him while he was on the phone with a customer. It was an honest mistake, but he left her walking on eggshells during his phone calls for months.

Also, imagine a husband-to-be who thinks his girlfriend is an angel because she always does his laundry, leaves him sweet notes and small gifts, cooks his favorite meals, and gives him long, leisurely back rubs. But she was no angel when he walked in the front door a few hours late from work. She rushed out of the darkened bedroom with her arms crossed and an angry expression on her face. She pointed a finger an inch from his nose and screamed so loudly that the neighbors down the hall could hear her accusing him of cheating with that “girl” colleague. The next day, she smiled sweetly and apologized. She explained that she wasn’t herself last night because she had a bad headache. He forgave her and they had a fantastic “makeup time”. He felt more in love with her than ever.

I would argue that in these scenarios neither the girlfriend nor the boyfriend are decent enough to get married. In any case, the person humiliated his lover. If the roles were reversed, you would never belittle anyone! Your worst headaches may make you somewhat curt with the person, but never insulting. Her demeaning behavior (including using swear words – which a humble person would not use) signals her arrogance, a trait associated with her illusion and exploitation (5).

You can never be sure if a romantic partner is decent enough to marry, but you can tell when they’re not good enough by belittling such actions.

3. The arrogant won’t let you go

If you try to dump the person after an outburst like the one described above, he or she might argue that they said they were sorry and that it was just a mistake. Some may also come to visit dating coach to help them in a relationship. But while a humble person recognizes your right to leave and does not interfere, the arrogant person has an image to defend. They could say many things to make you feel bad, to manipulate you into staying – for example, they could remind you how much they “sacrificed” to be with you. Don’t be swayed by such comments – the arrogant partner may have a contingency plan with other people waiting in the wings in case things don’t work out with you.

You might also ask, “What happened to unconditional positive regard?” (or equivalent words). But remember that you should evaluate your partner’s character before marrying the person. You can reply, “Yeah, I was wondering that too when you were so out of step with your outburst. If you did that on our first date, I would never have gone on a second with you. Anyway, the fact that you’re trying to make me feel guilty to keep me from leaving is an outrage in itself.”

Here’s how to do it

Cast a wide net to avoid ending up with an arrogant, cheating, or exploitative spouse. There are so many singles out there, especially on Online Dating Websites – You have no excuse to settle for the gummy worms on the kitchen counter when you can find a golden apple elsewhere.

What you seek is humility – and what you avoid is arrogance. The quality of humility is a must that underpins sincerity and the promise of a fair marriage. If you look through that lens, you might find it easy to weed out arrogant people on sites like eHarmony, where respondents are asked hundreds of questions, such as: B. whether it is okay for women to propose marriage or to become a priest. If they say no, you might wonder why only men are allowed to do this.

After all, after seeing this abominable pride, do not waste time. yes you will get it grief by the arrogant person dumping him or her, but that should only give you the power of affirmation to make sure the break is clean.

When you find that sincere, humble, fair person, you might be shocked to find how sexy he or she is. It can be overwhelming to finally share a passion based on discovering the person in front of you – free from convention gender Roles and Judgments. There is nothing to fearbecause the formula for communication remains simple.