I have been with my partner for over 20 years now.
We have grown children, a nice house, work and our relationship is fine.
However, I entered menopause in my mid-40s and have been on medication for anxiety and depression for the past year. Thanks to my partner and my children, I have improved a lot. He is very patient and understanding with me and keeps me going.
A few months ago I caught him looking at naked women online while I was lying next to him at night. I confronted him and we talked about it. He said he wouldn’t do it again. But since then I just don’t feel confident and attractive enough.
I always feel like he might cheat on me, even though I know he won’t. He loves me and tells me he does it very often. I’ll be 50 soon and our sex life is better than ever. I have trusted him over the years and have never had any doubts. But why do I suddenly have this feeling and this fear of losing him? Any advice would be very welcome.
Maria answers: Even though there are so many things that are really good in your relationship, now you worry that your partner might be cheating on you. That’s mainly because you caught him looking at naked women, probably on his phone or tablet, while you’re lying in bed next to him. He probably thought you were asleep.
The Urban Dictionary has a phrase, “Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu.” This is often used by men who are already married or have a partner to explain why they reviewed a particularly good-looking woman.
Given all the beautiful things you’ve said about your partner, you should think about it. Also, he has absolutely no need to leave the relationship as your sex life is thriving and you have a happy and loving partnership.
Everyone feels anxious at times – maybe before an exam, a job interview, or a presentation at work. But this is by no means the same as a diagnosed anxiety disorder, which can accompany excessive worry and anxiety about everyday situations. Although depression and anxiety are different conditions, they very often coexist and require medical attention and therapy as well. A friend who suffers from fairly severe anxiety tells me that her weekly visits to her therapist — who she says knows her better than anyone — along with her medication really helps.
Then comes the menopause, which hits some women hard while others get through it with ease.
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It’s also a time when women are starting to see changes in their bodies that some may find unsettling, and that might be the case with you. A very good site for perimenopausal and menopausal women is mysecondspring.ie.
Your partner looking at naked women seems to have been a trigger for you to become more anxious. Then because you are in such a happy relationship, the fear came about what you would do if you lost him. From what you’ve told me, there doesn’t appear to be any cause for concern, but given your particular circumstances, it’s perfectly understandable that you were concerned.
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https://www.independent.ie/style/sex-relationships/dear-mary-i-caught-my-partner-of-20-years-looking-at-naked-women-online-and-im-now-afraid-he-might-cheat-on-me-41869224.html Dear Mary, I caught my 20 year old partner looking at naked women online and I am now afraid that he might cheat on me