Dear Mary, My daughter’s boyfriend is a slacker. I don’t like him and I think he’s after her legacy

My daughter is in her early 30s and the apple of our eye. She’s our only child – not for lack of trying, but it just didn’t happen for us. She did really well in school and college and has an amazing job which she loves.

He had very few friends. I am not sure why as she is really attractive and has a great personality. She always seemed to prefer going out with her friends and having fun. And then she met someone and seems to have fallen in love with him. She ended up moving in with him and assures my husband and I that she is very happy.

But here’s the problem. I don’t really like him and neither does my husband. I feel like she could do a lot better for herself in every way. He has no job, is a little dreamer and seems to drink quite a bit. At least he does that when they eat with us and she usually has to drive home because of it.

I don’t want to be too pushy, so I didn’t say anything. She pays all the bills in the apartment they rent. Since she has no siblings, she will inherit a significant amount of money and property when we die and I’m concerned that he knows that and that’s at least one reason he’s dating her.

Maria answers: You must have had many hopes and dreams for your only child, and in fact she fulfilled most of them for you. By excelling in school and college, and then getting a great job, she’s undoubtedly already brought you both great joy.

It’s a pity that you don’t like your partner and I can understand your reservations, especially if he is unemployed. But if your dear daughter has chosen him, then he must also have many good sides, some of which you may not be aware of.

Maybe he makes her life easier by being the person at home and doing all the things that need to be done but she doesn’t have time for. Maybe he’s a great cook, hopefully he makes you laugh, and maybe he cares about you in ways you haven’t even thought of.

I’ve seen cases where couples are both very involved in their professional development, which brings their own problems and strains to their relationships. Your daughter has no such problems.

Since your daughter was very popular and often went out with her friends, it would be very interesting to hear what you think of her boyfriend. Girlfriends tell each other things they might not want to hear because they look out for and love each other.

So you can be sure that if you don’t approve of him, they will have to let her know one way or another. Perhaps it would calm you down a bit if you asked about it, either by asking your daughter directly what her friends think of him, or by asking her close friends if your paths crossed.

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Anyone who leaves an inheritance to a loved one can only hope and trust that it will be spent or invested wisely. Instead of worrying about what will happen to your land and property, why not rejoice in the fact that you will allow your daughter to live very comfortably after you leave? It’s a bit of an insult to both of them to think he’s even partially dating her because she’s going to be quite a wealthy woman at some point in the future.

So try to adopt a more positive attitude, be glad that she is happy and try to be more aware of her good points. It was wise of you to keep quiet about your concerns – she wouldn’t appreciate it if you told her about it and it wouldn’t change anything.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by going to dearmary.ie or by emailing her at dearmary@independent.ie or by writing to c/o 27-32 Talbot St, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated confidentially. Mary O’Conor regrets that she cannot answer questions privately.

https://www.independent.ie/style/sex-relationships/dear-mary-my-daughters-boyfriend-is-a-layabout-i-dont-like-him-and-i-think-hes-after-her-inheritance-41965571.html Dear Mary, My daughter’s boyfriend is a slacker. I don’t like him and I think he’s after her legacy

Fry Electronics Team

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