dr David Coleman: So you want to be a better parent in 2023? Here are six habits that will help…

Most of us have clear ideas about what we expect and want from our children. In principle, that’s a good thing, because children need guidance and orientation. However, sometimes our needs guide our interactions with our children, to the exclusion of their agenda, their needs, or their expectations of themselves.

Seeing your interactions with them from their perspective can give you real insight into the feelings that may have driven their behavior or the reasons that guided them. Even when those feelings or reasoning are different from our own, we can be more patient and understanding when we make the effort to see the world from their perspective.

​Let your kids solve more problems of their own

Because we’re often pressed for time (and have our own agendas), many parents plan too much, constructing situations and people so that our children never encounter real problems. Even if we haven’t helped our children avoid problems, we can rush to solve problems they face because it makes sense to do so.

But children must face problems, and they must learn to rely on their own resources to solve those problems. So try to empathize with her struggle, but let him do it most of the time. You may find that once you stop giving unsolicited advice, your relationship with your child improves significantly!

​Increase the responsibility your children take on

How often do we lament the fact that our children never do anything around the house or for themselves. However, we may have inadvertently created the very circumstances that made this possible. Children need opportunities to act responsibly, but sometimes we deny them the chance.

Many parents do things like school lunch, make their child’s bed, or pick up laundry off the floor for laundry because it’s more efficient. Or maybe you’d rather empty the dishwasher than fight over whose turn it is. But by doing too much for your children, you are doing them a disservice. By involving them in chores around the house or walking them to the local store—if these chores are age-appropriate, of course—you give them a chance to grow and develop.

​Correct your child for their wrongdoing instead of punishing them

Guiding and correcting children’s misbehaviour is crucial so that they learn to make better decisions. However, punishment in addition to correction is not required. They may know that you are punishing them because punishment usually comes across as a form of retaliation. It seems like we’re trying to get back at our child because we’re frustrated, disappointed, or upset with what they did.

Punishment is more likely to lead to resentment and further misconduct because the punishment seems unfair, excessive, or unrelated to the misconduct in any way. On the other hand, experiencing the natural consequences of misconduct can help them learn from it.

Encourage your children to notice the good things in themselves

When we specifically praise our children and comment on behaviors we’ve seen that we liked or appreciated, we increase the likelihood that they’ll repeat the good behavior. In terms of their self-esteem, it’s even stronger when they manage to acknowledge and accept the good things about themselves.

So along with noting how proud you are of one of their accomplishments, suggest to them that they must be so proud of themselves. For example, you could say, “You must be so proud of all the hard work you put into this project for school.” This little tweak encourages them to recognize their own positive traits.

​Inject your parenting with playfulness

Life can be so busy with so many competing demands that it’s easy to forget to have fun. Technology and screens have created more remote worlds for children. As a direct challenge to technology invading your life, make more time to get outside with your kids, go for walks, climb trees, swing on swings, or just play together. If you’re stuck indoors, take the occasional opportunity to be silly, sing, dance, paint, or read together. When you have fun with your kids, you can create memories that will last a lifetime.