Happily Ever After Divorce: Meet the women who decided to end their marriages and never looked back

While divorce rates in Ireland are still relatively low compared to the rest of Europe, the number of people “disconnecting” (to quote Gwyneth Paltrow and her ex Chris Martin) in this country has fallen by 11 percent over the past two years increased according to data published by the Courts Service.

Catriona O’Rourke of the family practice.ie explains that this is partly due to a change in the law in 2019, which reduced the length of time that spouses must live apart from four to two years. And in nearly 60 percent of cases in opposite-sex marriages, the wife initiates a process that can take several years.

“Court statistics say that last year, 59 percent of the time in opposite-sex marriages, it was the woman who initiated the divorce process,” she says. “And certainly there are a lot of divorce requests in our office in January, especially just after the New Year.”

Tim O’Sullivan of Mooney O’Sullivan Solicitors says while there are no current statistics showing why so many applications are being made in January, he believes the current housing crisis could also be a problem.

“Without being stereotypical, the husband often moves out of the family home and into a rented apartment until problems with the home are resolved,” he says. “However, due to high rents and a lack of supply, this is not an option for many couples at the moment – so they are bitterly staying together and this can cause tensions to escalate.”

For some people, the breakup of a relationship is a sad time when there are no winners as both parties try to rebuild their separate lives. But for others, it’s a chance to make a fresh start for a better future.

We spoke to three women who are happily divorced and enjoying their new lives.

Mary Frances Beatty

Mary-Frances lives on Inis Mór, Aran Islands, Co. Galway with her partner John and their two year old son Gregory. She has been divorced since 2018 after getting married in 2012 and realizing a few years later that they both wanted different things in life.

“We were together for three years before we got married, but unfortunately soon after we tied the knot it became clear that things were going downhill. He moved north for work and our lives took very different paths – I was content to settle down, he wanted other things.

“We tried couples counseling but it didn’t work. Then I saw a therapist myself and found it very helpful as it was a totally neutral ear and voice. I would encourage anyone facing any personal difficulties to seek professional help.

“After four years of marriage, I filed for divorce — a decision I didn’t take lightly, but I knew we weren’t going to reconcile, so I made the direct decision to divorce rather than separate. It wasn’t an easy decision.

“Divorce is still taboo. It comes as a shock to family and friends when you finally tell them as it is human nature to hide the bad things from those closest to us. This can be difficult, but at the end of the day, your happiness, and in some cases your safety, is what matters most.

“I weighed it up and admitted to myself that I just couldn’t be happy staying married and that I would be happier on my own, and when I realized that acceptance is a big part of moving forward, the weight fell off my shoulders were huge when I made the decision.

“After filing for divorce in 2016 I moved to Galway to be closer to my family but it took two years to finalize and it really hung over me. I was concerned that I would have to make a cash out arrangement to keep my home in the Aran Islands that I had built before my marriage.

“But fortunately it was an undisputed divorce and it didn’t come to that in the end. All the paperwork, delays and rescheduled court dates were exhausting, but finally I was called to Dublin Family Court in October 2018 and after a few minutes in front of a judge, a decision was made. I have never regretted it and it was right for both of us.

“Now my life in the Aran Islands is very special – it’s simple but very fulfilling. I have my family around me and was lucky enough to meet a lovely guy – our stars aligned and in 2020 we had a beautiful little boy through IVF.

“I still enjoy the odd trip to Dublin to meet up with friends, but I always feel very lucky to return home. Much like my IVF journey, I’m not ashamed to talk about my divorce or what I went through to get where I am today.

“Everything happens for a reason and I would encourage anyone who is struggling to talk to someone. There is light at the end of the tunnel.”

Colleen Joyce

Colleen lives in Galway where she runs her own business, Colleen Travel, offering guided tours of the Wild Atlantic Way. After getting married just three years later in 2012, she and her husband separated before finally divorcing in 2021.

“I had an ectopic pregnancy in September 2014 and after that our relationship wasn’t the same and the cracks started showing. After this loss we were two different people and our marriage ended in July 2015 so we went our separate ways.

“I focused on work for a while and had a lot of support from family and friends, so starting over wasn’t too difficult for me. At first I was unsure what to say when people asked me [about the relationship]but I got very frank with my answers and found that by doing so, people were willing to offer advice and their own stories.