More than children, “we need to focus on adults,” she said. “This generation of parents has not faced a world war, no global threat” on this scale. Many parents are struggling, although she worries that some may be too protective of their children, which could erode their natural ability to problem solve and cope. with adversity.
Dr. Boss’ sentiment reminds me of my husband’s and I’s worries in 1980, when our 10-year-old twin sons were faced with enrolling in a public middle school. , where misconduct and physical threats are common. The boys turned down our offer to send them to private school during those three tumultuous years, saying, “What are we going to learn about private school life?”
In his new book, Dr. Boss offers guidelines that increase one’s resilience to overcome adversity and live well despite traumatic losses. She quotes Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, author and Holocaust survivor, who wrote: “When we can no longer change our situation. situations, we are challenged to change ourselves.” She recommends that people use each guide as needed, in no particular order, depending on the circumstances.
Find meaning. The most challenging motto for many people is finding meaning, feeling loss, and when some action cannot be taken. Perhaps seek justice, work for a cause, or demonstrate to try to correct wrongdoing. When Dr. Boss’s younger brother died of polio, her grieving family went door-to-door for the March of Dimes, raising money to fund research on a vaccine.
Adjust your sense of mastery. Instead of trying to contain the pain of loss, let the sadness flow, do the best you can, and eventually the ups and downs will come less and less. “We don’t have the power to kill the virus, but we have the power to ease it that is impact on us,” she wrote.
Rebuilding identity. Also helpful is adopting a new identity that is in sync with your current circumstances. For example, when Dr. Boss’ husband became terminally ill, her identity changed over time from a wife to a carer, and after his death in 2020, she gradually try to think of yourself as a widow.
Normalize the surroundings. When you’re not clear about losing, it’s normal to feel conflicted about how to act. But Dr. Boss says it’s best not to wait for clarity; Indecision can lead to inaction and stagnation in life. Better to make less than perfect decisions than to do nothing.
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/31/well/mind/building-resilience-loss.html How to Build Resilience During Hard Times