The Mayo man decided to climb Kilimanjaro last week. He abandoned me for two weeks to live out of a backpack, walking 15 hours a day at a snail’s pace up a slow incline to get to the top of a hill. Much like the Grand Duke of York, my husband had men (a little under 10,000) to do the heavy lifting for him. Local porters carry the heavy bags and gear! They run ahead of the Bear Grylls-inspired tourists to set up tents and camp for the night.
hey say opposites attract and it must be true because there is no amount of money you could pay me to willingly spend so much time outdoors. Aside from the fact that The Mayo Man had to pack for three different climates due to the different elevations he would go through, the inability to just walk in, sitting in a proper chair, or being enclosed by anything other than a tent, turns me off get really crazy.
My idea of an adventure is picking something new from the menu at a restaurant I frequent. My husband’s job is to disconnect from everything he’s familiar with and challenge his body by putting it in a situation that society has moved away from for centuries.
We don’t need to climb mountains and all become survivalists! We invented ceramic toilets and running water and memory foam mattress toppers. Why do we have to deny the progress we’ve made and try to do a reverse Darwin by going back into the caves? Get off the mountain – we invented treadmills.
People think disliking animals is a psychopathic trait, which is why I’ve been reluctant to share the fact that not only am I afraid of dogs, I also hate nature and the outdoors immensely.
They say it’s a universal truth that spending time in nature is therapeutic, but I’m here to argue that nature and her creatures are not a panacea for all ailments. I offer a plea for concrete shopping centers and an animal-free life.
The interiors are amazing. Were you? Cheers to air conditioning and predictability. Shopping malls, with their polished floors, straight avenues, and one-way streets, are God’s manufactured gift to those who love order. Give me walls and automatic doors, elegant finishes and ergonomic furniture.
Chaos reigns outside. The climate changes, the wind is unpredictable, the weather changes viciously from one hour to the next, and you end up wearing a thong top and shorts but having to carry a scarf and waterproof pants in your bag. It’s too hot or too cold, and the few Goldilocks zones in between are always packed with people. Not just people – people and their animals.
I would be a terrible dog owner, or rather I would fail to be a good dog owner who doesn’t get angry all the time. The sheer amount of attention and care this once wild animal needs is astounding. It really separates the human population into “Dog People” and “Others”. My friend and avid dog lover PJ Gallagher gives me a behind-the-scenes look at what it means to be a dog owner. To be honest, my friends who have newborns put less effort into keeping a human baby alive than PJ does to keep Stella and Wendy happy.
He even takes them into account when choosing his means of transport! PJ would rather ditch his car and live on two motorized wheels, but because he’s a dog dad he needs a comfortable car with leather seats for easy cleaning. Dogs need treats and birthdays with puppy muffins. Puppy Muffins!
You can go down the rabbit hole Research into the different religions of dog food is wild. They require medication and are allergic to chocolate, which would make my love for Maltese (coupled with my inability not to shed them) a threat to their lives. They need baby gates, grooming and day care, as well as food and stamina to walk them miles every day. Basically, dog owners are saints and I’m not interested in being ordained.
It’s probably all related to the same issue, because owning a dog means you have no choice but to get outside every day or spend money to hire someone to do it. I’m not advocating kicking pets out of the world, but there’s a reason “that pooch” was in the song “in the window” and why aquariums are so popular.
Animals, like nature, are beautiful to behold through some wonderful double glazing. If anyone wants to start an indoor lovers club, maybe we could organize a hike to the top of Stephen’s Green Shopping Centre?
https://www.independent.ie/life/i-dislike-nature-and-the-outdoors-immensely-heres-a-case-for-concrete-shopping-centres-and-a-pet-free-life-41919553.html I dislike nature and the outdoors immensely – here’s a plea for concrete, malls, and a pet-free life