DEAR DEIDRE: My best friend has been with me through thick and thin and I have returned her loyalty by having drunken sex with her husband.
I can’t believe I was so stupid and have been feeling terrible ever since.
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I left my partner 10 years and 5 months ago after years of his abusive behavior and emotional control.
I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my friend’s constant support. She always took time for me and was very attentive, which made what I did even worse.
I am a 37 year old female.
A couple of weekends ago, we were all at my best friend’s house to celebrate another friend’s engagement.
It was a big night and after many hours of drinking, everyone left or went to bed and I was left alone with my partner’s husband.
My friend is 37 years old and her husband is 38 years old.
We started clearing our empty glasses and tidying up when he suddenly put his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him.
I could feel his warm breath on me. I looked up and he kissed me. I was shocked but also very pleased. Trying to do the right thing,
I stepped back and grabbed my coat, saying I had to go. He insisted on taking me home and as soon as I got the key to the door, we were together.
I took his hand and led him upstairs.
We had sex in my bed – it’s great to feel lust again. He left shortly after and I fell asleep.
Waking up is painful when I remember what we did. I can’t eat, I feel sick and the guilt is killing me.
Now I’m terrified you I’ll find out.
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I talked to her husband. We agree it was a mistake and we won’t tell anyone, but I’m so scared he might let it slip.
I hate myself and can’t concentrate on work or anything.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your friend has been betrayed by two people she could trust most.
There’s no excuse for what you’ve done, but most of us make mistakes – what matters is whether you learn from them or not.
Consider what your friend might find out and decide if you should hear this from you or someone sooner.
If you decide to keep it in the past, urge her husband to work on their relationship and watch out for your trigger point – possibly alcohol. Make a firm decision to cut back.
Put it down to experience and promise yourself you won’t cheat again. My Support Pack Feeling guilty? will help you.
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