‘I falsified to have secret sex with other men and my wife still didn’t know’ – Coleen Nolan

A reader told Mirror’s aunt Coleen Nolan his marriage was fake and he was in love with a male friend

To Coleen

I wrote you a few years ago about my clutter when it comes to wardrobe. I am a 59 year old man who has always kept my homosexuality a secret from my wife.

My marriage from day one has been a sham, because I enjoy having sex with men, while dressing like a woman. It all started at the age of 14 when an uncle caught me wearing my mother’s clothes and taking my virginity, and I was delighted.

I’ve turned to drinking and religion in the past, but I’m still conflicted.

I fell in love with a male co-worker who moved out with his wife and children before I could tell him how I felt. We are still good friends and he has now left his wife and is moving back. Should I admit how I feel in the hope that he feels the same way?

What advice would you give? Have your voice in the comments

Coleen said

The first thing to do is talk to your wife about your sexual problems. Your primary concern should be that relationship. You can’t continue living a lie – it hurts you and isn’t fair to her.

Those conflicting feelings won’t go away until you can be honest with her. Starting a new relationship while still with your wife will only make things more complicated.

You have to be prepared that your friend will not be interested in a sexual relationship. Has he ever told you if he’s interested in sex with men or romantic relationship with you? Leaving a wife is not a sign.

You will benefit from counseling to help you get over the uncertainty and confusion of going back to what happened to your uncle. You are a child and what has happened is abuse.

It’s hard to be confrontational, but it can help you get to a healthier place where you’re ready for another relationship in your life.