“I feel stupid taking my boyfriend back after he got another woman pregnant” – Coleen Nolan

Agony Aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader questioning her decision to give a scammer a second chance. She feels stupid and hasn’t told anyone she’s with him again

Dear Coleen

About three years ago I left my longtime boyfriend after I found out he was having an affair and that the woman was pregnant.

The affair wasn’t a total surprise – he had form when it came to cheating – but I was genuinely shocked by the pregnancy and didn’t think I could get out of it and work on the relationship, so we broke up.

The thing with the other woman was over too, but he has a relationship with his son and from what I can see he is a good and loving father.

We crossed paths a few weeks ago and have talked and met occasionally since. We’re both single and inevitably the conversation led us to try again. I missed him and never stopped loving him. I just hate what he did to me and our relationship.

I agreed to try and take it slow, but I’m already worried about my decision. In fact, I feel so stupid for taking it back I haven’t told a soul about it.

Do you think our relationship has a chance or do you think I’m crazy for agreeing to try again? I would appreciate some advice on where to go from here.

What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section

Coleen says

I don’t love the guy, but you obviously do, so you let your heart guide you rather than your mind.

I think it’s a good idea to take things very slowly – he needs to prove to you that he’s worthy of your trust. It’s not the first time he’s been cheated on, so I think the show infidelity needs to be addressed and worked through, preferably in counseling.

I suppose right now I’m wondering what changed and why he shouldn’t cheat on you again? He needs to understand that there are no more chances, and you need to respect yourself enough to expect that from him.

As for others, I’m sure most of your friends and family will be shocked and concerned for you. But it’s not her life and all you can do is explain that you want to try again and you realize it’s a risk.

A true friend will respect your decision even if they don’t agree with it and will be there for you when it doesn’t work out.

It will take time and effort to build things back up, and you must also think of his son. Taking on the role of the stepmother and dealing with the other woman will be challenging.