Conducting a cursory background check on potential love interests is an essential part of modern dating; browse their social networks, find out if you have mutual friends, scroll through pictures to see if you can envision a future together or to see if they give you the ick.
But sometimes, it seems, that’s not enough. This month, Cosmopolitan ran an article titled “The Wild World of Are We Sharing the Same Boyfriend Facebook Groups”.
These are semi-private city-specific groups where people post photos of men they are dating to gather information about them and see if they are cheating. The goal, cosmo tells us is to “unmask one apron partner at a time” and warn the sorority about potential ghosts and gaslighters and f**kbois.
In the article, a woman explained that she joined the group after her Tik Tok “For You” page was populated with “You know he’s cheating if…” how-to videos and clips of tarot card readers and energy healers, The Ways suggested clearing their lives of negative spirits.
This means your algorithm is no longer just suggesting clothes and skincare products that you might like, it’s also passively alerting you to potential infidelity. The woman in question joined her local ASTSB page, discovered her boyfriend was cheating and left him.
Online groups exposing “scammers” have become a phenomenon in recent years. In January of this year, “West Elm Caleb” made a splash. Caleb was a 25-year-old furniture designer from the United States who was outed on TikTok for dating multiple women at the same time. His dating pattern was to shower women with compliments, give them not-so-customized playlists, and then vamoosh. The videos, in which women spoke about Caleb and opened up about their “shared trauma,” were seen by millions.
“We’ve all interacted with a West Elm Caleb,” reads a Mashable article. “We’ve just never been able to hold them accountable.”
Previously, Caleb was Couch Guy, a young graduate accused of cheating by online detectives when a video of him reacting to a surprise visit from his girlfriend was deemed suspicious. The story was reported on major news networks across the States as people projected their own troubles and problems onto harmless exchanges.
The conversation surrounding these posts often has an air of self-righteousness; These people are called upon to prevent further injury and to help others heal.
And by all means, everyone should be allowed to voice their pain and upset after a breakup.
But the reason West Elm Caleb and Couch Guy are spreading like wildfire isn’t because we’re concerned, it’s because the online world is turning many of us into outrage-hungry monsters who love a dose of wholesome glee.
Because of this, these vigilante detective groups and posts feel like the online equivalent of late-night US serials cheater. If you haven’t seen it before, the hit TV show engineered elaborate and humiliating sting operations that usually ended with a camera crew barging into motel rooms or restaurants to expose an unfaithful partner.
No one argues that being scammed is anything but the pit. It’s deceitful, hurtful, demeaning, and sometimes even abusive. But I also hate this idea that ghosting or cheating makes someone inherently a terrible person. And that by default, once you’ve cheated on a person, you’ve forfeited your right to privacy and it’s okay to post your relationship history and personal information in a Facebook group.
Not all people who cheat do so pathologically or compulsively. Most of the time, there are tons of complicated reasons for it — moments of low self-esteem, going through a quarter or mid-life crisis, and not knowing how to pull yourself out of a relationship. Or sometimes people really do fall in love with another person.
Fraud happens, sometimes you can get past it, sometimes you can’t. A few years ago, actress Cameron Diaz said that everyone on the planet is either cheated or will cheat at some point.
“We’re people, we’re complicated,” she said. “You can’t go through life without leaving a few scars, you can’t go through life unscathed, it’s just like that… take your lessons, find out, move on.”
I am inclined to agree with her. However, one thing is certain; If you find someone sharing your picture online to gain negative information about you, chances are they are not a Keeper.
How to recover from MAFSA obsession
There’s always a little jolt when a series you loved comes to an end. I’m robbed as last night marked the finale of the greatest reality TV show I’ve seen to date; Season nine of Married at first sight Australia. To me, this series was nothing short of a work of art. It’s the successor of reality TV. There were so many plot twists, shock breakups and surprising relationship revivals. But maybe the main reason I enjoyed it so much is because it was so unexpected.
Often in reality TV, we know the good guys and the bad guys from the get-go, and what follows only confirms our expectations. If any X factor Akt came with a sob story, we knew it was headed for the finale. That comforts us as viewers. We are encouraged to believe that if a person can overcome adversity, they must be good people deserving of good. But further MAFSAthis belief was regularly confused.
At first everyone in the audience cheered for Olivia Frazer. She had a heartbreaking history; She had spent seven years nursing her terminally ill father. All she wanted was love and she seemed to have got what she deserved when she married Jackson. But then things changed. She pulled off some of the meanest acts over the course of the series, including posting nude photos of a woman she didn’t like. Her actions outraged viewers, but they also stunned them.
That will not happen! It didn’t conform to the tried-and-true reality TV format, where people are branded as Good Us and Bad Uns from the get-go. A gray area opened up. That may explain why I and so many others are totally hooked on the show. Start Season 10!
Mice and McDonalds
Somewhat disturbing news this week that a man has found a 60-year-old McDonald’s meal stuck in the wall of his home. Speak with news week, Illinois home renovator Rob said he spotted several take-out bags stuck in his bathroom wall along with a half-eaten packet of french fries. Rob said: “There was no smell and surprisingly no sign of mice”. What do mice know that we don’t know? Anyway, I think that means we can add McDonald’s chips to the list of things that will definitely withstand a nuclear apocalypse.
https://www.independent.ie/life/i-hate-the-idea-that-cheating-makes-you-an-awful-person-most-of-the-time-its-complicated-41586710.html I hate the idea that cheating makes you a terrible person. Most of the time it’s complicated