Daily Mirror’s nagging aunt Coleen Nolan counsels a woman who got carried away with wedding planning and now regrets being tied down to a lazy, selfish man… and all the money spent on her big day
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I made a horrible mistake by marrying my long term partner and I want out now even though we only walked down the aisle a few months ago.
On my marriage On the 1st day I was feeling sick instead of happy and couldn’t wait for the reception to end so I could cry in the bathroom and not have to talk to guests.
I knew it was a mistake, but I just got carried away with all the planning and its promises of how great things were going to be. Well, it’s the same old life – and nothing’s changed at all.
We’ve been together for almost 10 years and I’ve loved him dearly during that time, but in recent years he’s become unbearable, lazy, selfish and controlling (although it’s quite subtle).
Everything is on his terms and I find that I just go along with what he wants. I don’t want to sleep with him or have his children or retire with him, but I feel so stupid and I don’t know how to get out of this horrid mess.
My parents spent a lot of money on the wedding, as did we. I urgently need advice.
What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section
I don’t think your situation is that unusual. I have received many letters over the years from women and men who have found themselves walking down the aisle because they felt it was too late in the day to call off the wedding.
I think it’s common to feel the weight of expectation and you don’t want to let people down, especially when they’ve put the time and money into it.
It is clear from your letter that the main problem is that you do not have the confidence to take control of your own life and to do what you want.
You seem to play a very passive role in the relationship, which you obviously don’t want to do, but the good thing is that it’s never too late to take control.
You can’t change your husband and a marriage license certainly won’t change him, but you can change how you react to the situation.
If you really don’t want to be in this marriage, then don’t stay because you’re worried about upsetting others.
Start telling people how you feel and get support and have the conversation with your husband.
Once it’s out there, you can start taking steps and seek professional advice. Much luck.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/ive-just-married-think-ive-26583796 "I just got married, but I think I made the biggest mistake of my life" - Coleen Nolan