Mirror torment aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader wondering if she’s too strong after her husband’s “over-friendly” liaison with a co-worker led to a sex life revival
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My husband and I have been together for nine years and recently went through a rough patch after he admitted getting “over friendly” with a girl he works with.
He came to terms with what I’m thinking, somewhat, and told me he thought it was because of his low self-esteem and feeling like we’d grown apart.
Apparently this girl was doing the moves and he was flattered but he stopped before anything physical happened.
At first I was devastated – I never thought he would do something like this.
However, I believed he was serious about making ours marriage work and that he was sorry and heartbroken that he had destroyed almost everything.
It was a wake up call for me as I think I took our relationship for granted and I tried a lot harder and we talked more as well.
It has also reinvigorated our sex life as I want him more than ever but he sometimes rejects me saying it’s too much which makes me paranoid.
I opened the door for him the other day wearing only underwear and high heels and he just looked horrified.
Am I too strong and can we get over it?
I think that wanting more physical intimacy is a common response when your relationship is threatened.
You need to feel that he wants you and loves you.
However, it might make him feel guilty knowing you are doing it for getting too close to another woman.
Yes, I think you can get over it, but it’s about talk, talk, talk.
It needs to be an ongoing conversation about why your marriage is vulnerable and how you can strengthen it.
You don’t have to put on a show for him – he should be the one making the effort for you.
I feel like you are trying to trump the other woman instead of thinking “I didn’t deserve the way he treated me”.
You seem to take a lot of blame for that too.
Yes, you have to look at yourself to see where you went wrong, but he could have explained what was missing in your relationship before you looked for it in someone else.
Getting your marriage back on track is a work in progress and takes time.
You can’t just fix it with sex, but you can repair the damage by talking.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/i-opened-door-hubby-wearing-26624484 "I opened the door to my husband in underwear and high heels - am I coming on too strong?" - Coleen Nolan