Daily Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan offers advice to a woman who was flattered by flirting at work but was confronted with her husband of 14 and now her marriage is suffering
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I stupidly got over friendly with a guy at work and it almost blew me up Before.
We never actually had sex, but we talked all the time and flirted heavily with each other.
I know deep down that it would have gone further if I had let it, but I have never cheated on my husband.
The other guy is single (divorced) so he had nothing to lose.
In short, my husband became suspicious – it must have been obvious I was hiding something – and he confronted me.
We have been together for 14 years and have a nine year old daughter.
The thing is, I love my husband, but I got a little lost and was very flattered by the attention the man gave me at work.
It was idiotic and I regret it.
I’ve done my best to show my husband that he can trust me and that I’m sorry, but every once in a while he’ll have a little nervous breakdown and start questioning me about various things that “he’s noticed” from random notes with addresses to cell phone numbers in my call log that he doesn’t know.
It’s exhausting and I’m afraid of making a mistake.
The other day I looked in my rearview mirror and he was following me on his bike.
I just wanted to buy some milk and donuts for my daughter!
What can I do against it?
What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section
He has lost trust in you and will not get it back overnight.
He never thought your relationship would be so threatened — that you could get so close to another man — so it’s going to take time and validation.
I don’t think you need to calm him down for the rest of your life, but you need to keep talking.
Likewise, he has to accept that he can’t follow you on his bike every time you leave the house to buy donuts.
Try to be more understanding – put yourself in his shoes.
You really hurt him and questioned the relationship.
You can absolutely get through it, but you have to be honest about how and why it happened.
You say you felt lost, but what was missing from the relationship? Did you feel undervalued, not wanted, maybe bored?
You both need to think about ways to make things better so that the relationship isn’t jeopardized.
I had an affair with someone many years ago because I felt like I was just there for the kids and that other person made me feel awesome and sexy.
But what I really wanted was for my husband to make me look like this other guy.
So be honest with yourself and your man about what you need.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/i-stupidly-became-over-friendly-26679464 "I stupidly got overfriendly with a man at work and it nearly blew up my marriage" - Coleen Nolan