DEAR DEIDRE: My wife had sex with two of her exes at the same time with my permission, but I was so angry she had a repeat session without me.
She has always been very supportive of my relationships and has invited her female friends into our bedroom to play threesomes.
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So when she shared her fantasy – that she wanted to have sex with two different men while I watched – I agreed.
I am 45 years old and she is 43. This is my second marriage.
We arranged for two of her exes to visit – I didn’t mind as they were more flirting than proper relationships and we all had a great time.
My wife went through her dream and she’s really happy with the way things turned out – so am I.
It was not my imagination but I would love to be able to give her what she wants.
That night, one of her exs slept in our bed with my wife in the middle and the other ex sleeping in the box bedroom next door.
When I woke up the next morning, I realized I was the only one in bed.
Then I heard giggles and groans coming from the box bedroom.
When I walked in, they were having another session, only I wasn’t invited.
She called me and asked me to join but at that time I was not in the mood and was very confused and angry.
She couldn’t see what she did wrong and explained that she didn’t want to wake me up.
She said they just did what they did the night before.
But there is a big difference; I was not included and we promised that we would always share our ties with each other.
If she can do this, I wonder what else she did behind my back.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Some couples who are very secure in their relationships have successfully tried to go public with their sex lives with others, but they always follow their own rules.
Your wife is not trying to get behind your back, but by not actively engaging with you, she has made you question her and in turn the strength of your relationship.
It is much better to talk and think about your fantasies together, than to act them out.
When you’re inquiring, you’re at risk of involving other people in your sex life. Inviting others to join makes your relationship jealous and uncomfortable.
If you are adamant, and you still want to involve others, both of you need to agree to respect each other’s boundaries.
I’m sending you my Threesomes support package, which will help both of you consider the risks you’re taking when you involve someone else in your relationship.
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