“I went crazy with guilt after sleeping with my mate’s girlfriend” – Coleen Nolan

A reader writes to the Daily Mirror’s aunt Coleen Nolan for advice after he regrets sleeping with his best pal’s girlfriend

Young couple in bed
“It was an isolated case and we both regretted it”

Dear Coleen

I am a 28 year old male and need advice after sleeping with my best friend’s girlfriend.

It was a one-time thing and we both regretted it afterwards, even though it was a lot of fun at the time.

It wasn’t planned – she asked me if I would come over and check her car as she thought she had a flat tire and her boyfriend was away for a bachelorette party weekend.

I stayed for some food, we had a few drinks and when I was about to leave she kissed me goodbye on the door.

One thing led to another and we ended up in bed and I stayed the night.

We talked about it the next morning and decided we wouldn’t do it again.

But it’s a difficult situation because I see her boyfriend a lot – he’s been my best friend for years and we also meet up as a group with our girlfriends, who also get along very well.

I don’t want our friendships to change – is that possible?

I’m scared that if we all go out together we’ll stumble and betray the game and the guilt has been driving me insane.

I’ve learned my lesson, but I don’t want to fight my mate. What should I do about it?

What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section

Coleen Nolan is the mirror’s aunt of death

Coleen says

If you don’t tell him or he doesn’t find out, you both still know what you did, so I think it’s going to affect the group dynamic anyway.

If you decide not to come in, then I think it’s really important that you’re on the same page with his girlfriend – that it’ll never happen again and you’ll never tell your partners or anyone else.

Trouble is, I don’t think you can ever really be sure he won’t find out – what if his girlfriend blurts it out angrily the next time they fight?

He may not find out for five years, or maybe never, but it could be next week! This is the chance you take.

You also have to accept the guilt, so it’s a question of whether you can live with it.

I think you probably know that by the time he finds out, you won’t be friends anymore.

He could move on with her, but I think you’re definitely going to get out of the picture.

I’m just wondering why did you do it? When I was with my first husband, one of his buddies lived with me for two years and that never happened no matter how drunk we got and how many deep conversations we had.

That limit has never been crossed, not even in my mind. So, I think you need to figure out why it happened (and don’t blame the alcohol).

Has there always been something between you?

I kind of hope that’s the case, or you’ve jeopardized an important friendship for a night of meaningless sex.

You might also think about your own girlfriend and what that means for your relationship.

From what I can see, you seem more concerned about your mate.

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