DEBORAH James has said that with her children she will “miss every chance I could have had”, but she knows they “will be fine”.
The mother-of-two receives hospice care for terminal colon cancer and has raised over £3.5million as a legacy on bowelbabe.org.
“As a mother, you always want to know if your children are doing well? And my kids will be fine,” Deborah said in a tearful interview with BBC Breakfast.
“But that doesn’t mean I won’t miss every chance I could have had with them.”
She also said on BBC Radio 5 Live on Tuesday: “The more I tell them they’ll be fine, the more I tell myself they’ll be fine. I know they are surrounded by love.”
Deborah has expressed her hope that her children – Eloise, 12, and Hugo, 14 – will remember her after her death because of their age.
“But [they are] still very young, so my image will fade and they will have to rely on video or photos,” she told the Times.
The 40-year-old Sun columnist, who was diagnosed at the age of 35, revealed earlier this week that her body is too weak to continue.
The former assistant principal has opened up about how terrifying it was to tell her children she was going to stop active treatment.
In heartbreaking interviews from her childhood home in Woking, Deborah has opened up about her wishes for her final moments and hopes for her children in the future.
She revealed that she wants to be a part of her children’s wedding anniversaries and birthdays by leaving notes they can open, which also include first date advice.
Deborah said: “It’s hard to figure out what to do: you don’t want to rip the bandaid off every birthday and ruin it for her.
“But at the same time, I want them to have letters at milestones and fun messages.”
In her most recent column for The Sun, Deborah said she made keepsake boxes for her children.
She wrote: “I went into mental overdrive and with the help of my husband Seb we made sure the kids had keepsake boxes – we bought them gifts for certain important birthdays to come.
“I don’t want to die — I can’t face the thought that I won’t see my children’s weddings or see them grow up — that I will no longer be a part of the life I love so much.”
Over the past five years, the former teacher has raised awareness of her illness and its symptoms, becoming a national treasure.
And as her last wish, she urged people to donate to the Bowel Babe Fund, which received support from the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge last night.
Deborah said she and her children, husband Seb, brothers, sisters and other family members all “sleep over, talk a lot” and spend time in the sunshine together.
She said: “What I wish for is simple things, which is to hold my husband’s hand, curl up and watch movies with my daughter, tell them both that I love them.
“I just spend time observing the people I love with awe, just to know that they’re okay.”
Yesterday, Deborah brought her podcast producer Mike Holt to tears as she bid farewell to her poignant final episode, saying, “That’s it from me.”
Mike struggled to contain his emotions as Deborah said she was comforted by the thought that she would be dating Rachel Bland – her co-host on the podcast, who tragically died in 2018.
In her latest episode of her BBC podcast, You, Me and the Big C: Putting the can in cancer, she told Mike, “We’ll meet again somewhere, kind of dancing.
“And until then, please, please just enjoy life because it’s so precious. All I want now is more time and more life.”
https://www.thesun.ie/health/8783654/deborah-james-ill-miss-every-chance-could-had-kids/ I will miss every moment I could have had with my children, but I know they will be ok, says Deborah James