There is a real skill set to master the perfect comeback.
It’s something that I think we all like to imagine ourselves being pretty good at, but in these times we can often get confused — strained to think of anything of value to say. .
I had one such encounter recently; I’m going to have dinner in a fancy restaurant – the kind where every dish is cleverly presented.
This is not my usual dining experience — I have young children so the criteria by which I tend to judge restaurants/cafés are inferior cooking skills and speed. Can we get in, feed, and get out before an inevitable tantrum? And is this where people would complain if they could hear Bluey exploding at the table next to them? If the answer to the former question is yes and the answer to the latter is no, then we have a winner!
This restaurant is the opposite; Bluey certainly wouldn’t be allowed, and we were informed in advance that the dress code was ‘semi-formal’.
After working from home for longer than I remember, wearing anything other than a bathrobe has a distinctly formal feel to it. But I decided to make a real effort and wear a dress, strappy sandals, and jewelry. I’m feeling good and looking good – or so I think.
When I arrived at the site, one of the group looked at me from top to bottom, with an expression of uncontrollable horror, similar to the expression you would have on your face if your child had tried (and failed) to change their style. own dirty diapers.
Feeling that my outfit didn’t fit, I wondered if everything was okay. She scanned me again. The dress code, she said, is “to be elegant,” before turning on her heel to leave.
Oh! Before this point, I liked to think that in such a situation I would automatically throw up a razor-sharp answer; something similar to what Oscar Wilde or Bethenny Frankel from The Real Housewives of New York City will speak.
But instead I mumble like The Dude in Big Lebowski; “Yea, well, that’s just your opinion, man.”
Online claps are one thing, and we’ve all seen countless articles in which celebrities are applauded for putting internet trolls on their backs. But celebrities often have a team to help them build the perfect response.
In real life and in real time, objections are much, much harder to do.
I think you have two options here if coming up with an impromptu answer is out of your reach. The first is to memorize a list of universal returns.
Drag superstar RuPaul does this and advises all child drag queens to assemble their own list so they can respond lightning fast to scammers.
There are many boards on the internet filled with ‘silly’ suggestions such as ‘Remember when I asked your opinion? Me too.’, ‘Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you as a person with personality’, or ‘I used to be called worse’.
However, my brain turns to cheese in moments of confrontation. Sometimes I start mixing words up and asking people if they can ‘please stop being so rude’, which is less sassy and more Yoda.
If you’re in a similar situation then I’m afraid you have to skip the perfectly executed clapping to find another more laborious alternative.
You have to spend hours and days analyzing why this person is being rude to you; speculate about the plot, ask others for insight. Once done, you can move on to Level Two; fantasize about everything you should say. Imagine being equally rude, then disregarding morality, then throwing a dirty martini in their face. After a certain number of permutations, you will eventually arrive at an illusion that you are satisfied with.
Then let your imagination run wild, letting it get more and more complicated with a crowd shouting and cheering as you deliver your withering accusations. You walk away, head held high, fireworks exploding in the background. Go to tobann! Hollywood superstar Chris Evans appears next to you and asks if he can take you out to dinner. Before you know it, you’re wondering if you and Chris share the same taste in interior design if and when you end up living together.
That’s when you’re officially over it. When fantasizing about what might happen have become too complicated, you may feel detached from the event and move on, in an informal way.
Julia Fox says aging is ‘completely within’
Actress and former flame of Kanye West Julia Fox has stated that “aging is completely on the horizon” this season (along with folds and fur).
She has also threatened to sue skin care brands for false advertising and peddling creams and serums that claim to help you look younger but actually don’t. She said: “Just so you guys know, aging is completely over – absolutely.
“And if I see another product that says ‘anti-aging’ on the label, I’ll sue. I’m going to sue because I’m going to age no matter if I put a $500 serum on my face or not. And you all know it, and we know it too, so stop fooling yourself. The older you get, the hotter it gets.”
Spoken with the unconcealed fury of a woman who has paid by nose for a hyaluronic serum and is still waiting to see the results.
Some have pointed out that at 32, Julia may be a bit too young to talk about aging gracefully.
But I’m grateful that she’s going against the trend of celebrities launching their own branded skincare lines. This year, Jared Leto, Brad Pitt, Kate Moss, Kim Kardashian, J-Lo and Hailey Bieber have all launched their respective serums, acids and moisturizers. My favorite movie is Jared Leto’s ‘Twentynine Palms’ purely because in the commercial he admits that he doesn’t care much about skin care. Bet the PR team loves him for it. Against this backdrop, many of Julia Fox’s and hers’ explicit anti-aging appeals are clear. It’s so different.
I’ll give you €200 mince pie, thanks
It’s almost Christmas and so is the steady roll-out of the most ostentatious and lavish Yuletide treats. Last year we were given festive gifts including Terry’s chocolate mayonnaise, Brussels gin and pizza for Christmas dinner.
This week, in the UK, the country’s most expensive meat pie went on sale.
Cardiff-based restaurant Glory Stores is selling pies for €200 each to support charity. Each cake is stuffed with beluga caviar “for lovers of festive flavors”. Call me a traditionalist but I think a pack of six regular old-fashioned mince pies for €2 sounds much more appealing.
https://www.independent.ie/life/i-wish-id-had-the-perfect-clapback-when-one-of-the-restaurant-team-said-the-dress-code-was-supposed-to-be-elegant-42144283.html I wish I had a perfect round of applause when one of the restaurant crew said the dress code was ‘be elegant’