IT can be tough being in a relationship with a man.
Aside from leaving dirty boxers on the floor or forgetting anniversaries, many men also have a hard time showing their emotions — making navigating relationships difficult.
Whether it’s a grunt after you tell them you love them or an “I’m fine” when you unveil that birthday present you’ve been working weeks to prepare, some aren’t as forthcoming with the way they are to feel.
But an expert has now revealed the real reason why men don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves.
Psychologist Loren Soeiro said that not being able to express your feelings could strain relationships and could also be interpreted as arrogance.
He said many men come off as “rational thinkers” who separate their emotions from decisions.
Rather than this being a personality trait about your husband, boyfriend, or boyfriend, Dr. Soeiro that it might actually be due to a common psychological trait called alexithymia.
The word itself is Greek and refers to missing words for emotions.
dr Soerio explained that it describes a disconnect between thoughts and emotions — meaning that while you’ll feel something, you’ll have trouble identifying it clearly.
“It’s not a mental disorder per se, but a trait that can present different psychological challenges,” he told Psychology Today.
The guru explained that other common indicators of the condition are:
- fear of intimacy
- emotional distancing
- exaggerated interest in autonomy
- discomfort in the social environment
- unable to express emotions
- chronically negative mood
He added that these signs can often be confused with an autism spectrum disorder.
Aside from putting a strain on relationships, not being able to express your feelings can also have dangerous physical side effects, he said.
These include heart palpitations, chronic pain and breathing difficulties.
Experts say the condition is more common in men because of gender stereotypes imposed on men from a young age.
This can include sayings like “Man up” or the idea that men should not cry, be strong, and be protectors in their families.
dr Soerio said that this is not healthy for anyone and that humans evolved to have emotions for many good reasons.
“Including interpersonal communication, bonding between groups and the detection of danger; overall, it’s not hard to see that emotions have always been important to our survival.
“Cultural or family trends that devalue the experience or expression of male emotions place an unnecessary and detrimental burden on many men,” he added.
How can men deal with this?
If you think you have alexithymia, Dr. Soerio that you can learn to live with it, but that you can also turn it around.
He said psychotherapy is a great place to start because it gives you a place to be yourself and express your feelings.
But if you don’t have access to that, there are some things you can do at home such as: For example, keeping a journal, listening to music, or even trying to empathize with characters in movies and novels.
This, the psychologist said, will help you develop greater emotional awareness.
However, this will not be a quick fix, and Dr. Soerio said many years of dodging emotions will not be easy to change.
He added that getting them to the surface might take time, but said that if you put in the work, you should be confident it can be done.
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https://www.thesun.ie/health/8778589/psychologist-real-reason-men-dont-show-emotions/ I’m a psychologist – here’s the real reason men don’t show their feelings and why it’s so dangerous