I’m a relationship expert and there are three reasons why you and your partner are always arguing

A RELATIONSHIP expert has revealed the real reasons why you and your partner may be arguing so often.

Erica Wright, a relationship coach from the US says the reason you fight isn’t about petty tasks like washing dishes or your partner not texting you back on time.

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Erica’s video went viral on her TikTok account with over 900k views and over 100k likes.

She captioned the video: “What are you really fighting about?” and explain three pairs of hidden motivations that tend to compete.

Erica said it can often be misinterpreted as arguing about surface-level things, such as not helping with housework, but explaining these things often have deeper meanings for them.

She asks users to question whether their partner did something petty like forgetting to take out the trash that triggered a huge defensive reaction in you, and says it’s the cumulative effect of it all. All these little triggers make for a deeper meaning.

Erica says that the big reaction is actually due to these three deeper emotions.

She explains the first basic motivation is about power and control, which sounds like ‘you always undermine me in front of the kids’ or ‘you need to unload the dishwasher my way. because it’s the right way’.

The second primary cause of controversy is respect and recognition, and Erica gives examples such as ‘you always make plans without asking me first’ or ‘do you realize I’m doing a lot of work? in the house?’

The third reason is care and intimacy and this sounds like ‘why am I the only one texting?’

She explains that renowned Psychotherapist Esther Perel said when your partner doesn’t look up from their Ipad when they’re in bed gets you excited, it’s not because they’re not looking but because it’s falling into a state of neglect.

“Similarly, if your partner makes plans with friends weekly but doesn’t show interest in planning a special date night with you, it can cause insecurity or feelings of frustration. like they don’t really care about you.

“As these patterns repeat, it creates a lens through which we view our partners and relationships.

“If we think our partner doesn’t care about us at all, every interaction is viewed as if we were wearing sunglasses,” explains Erica.

She says the opposite that if you feel like your partner loves you, you’ll interpret every interaction through that lens.

Users are grateful for Erica’s insight, one person writing: “Wow I can relate to this, very eye-opening and you totally nailed it.”

Other users asked Erica how to deal with these issues in their relationship, one asked; “How can you talk about this to them? I don’t want it to sound like a reproach.

Erica explains that how you communicate these issues is important and makes sure your partner is open to talking about improving things.

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