While many businesses have struggled to close, Sarah Butcher’s has caused quite a stir – literally.
The 30-year-old from Bournemouth is a self-proclaimed “kink educator” who has helped thousands of people around the world break free of their sexual fantasies.
Sarah, who posts under the domain @subinthecity, quit her job in marketing when demand for her quirky seminars was stagnating.
One of Sarah’s most popular workshops is BDSM 101 – an introduction to kink – and her spanking class.
Up to 100 people at a time will participate in these seminars online and up to 50 people will participate in the physical sessions.
Sarah – who entered Bdsm (short for bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) over 10 years ago – using her own experience in the kink world to educate her clients.
She told The Sun: “When I first started exploring kink, there wasn’t much there. The internet is a dark and scary place. I made my own mistakes and learned through trial and error.
“But I have no regrets because it has given me a rich experience. So my clients can use my tips and fast track the good stuff. ”
50 shades of disappointment
Sarah says that there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding BDSM.
“Fifty shades of gray brought BDSM to the mainstream but it is a double-edged sword,” she explains.
“On one hand, it’s great for women because it gives us the confidence to talk about our desires, but on the other hand there are a lot of misconceptions that stem from books and movies, and the relationship between the two. Anastasia and Christian’s relationship is problematic.
“People wrongly think you have to enjoy pain or be a sadist or a sadist if you’re in BDSM. Yes, that’s an important part of it, but there’s a lot more to it.
“Another big misconception is that doms are super rich men and women are shy women. Women are not always followers and men are not always followers.
“People always think I’m a woman because I’m a strong, independent woman in my day-to-day work, but for me, being extra is letting go.”
Sarah, who is in a relationship, says people shouldn’t put themselves in a “box” when it comes to folding.
“My client asked, ‘Am I allowed to be interested in binding and tantra?’
“I told them you could do BDSM without pain and enjoy tantra and rough sex. It’s completely normal. ”
‘It’s not all about playing around’
Sarah recently spoke at a kink event with Married at First Sight sex actress Charlene Douglas and told how women have been amazed at how much fun BDSM can be – and the surprising items can spice up their bedroom antics.
“It’s not all about teasing, spanking and tying each other up,” she explains. “It can be a very sexy experience.
“My clients find hot wax very scary and painful and are amazed at how great it feels in my workshops. It can be really erotic when pouring it over your partner’s naked body, like a work of art.
“But don’t use candles around the house because binding candles will burn at a lower temperature. Always buy massage candles from adult stores like Bondara, Ann Summers or LoveHoney.
“Or let your partner control your orgasms using different toys and slow them down when you’re on the climax and then start it all over again.
“Sensation deprivation is another great way to experiment with folding.
“If you prefer a sexier game, use a hard PVC non-silk blindfold and practice strength play using feather tickling.
“There’s really something for everyone so don’t be afraid to give it a try.”
Explore your sexuality
Sarah said some of her female clients fear they are “bad feminists” if they want to be submissive in bed, while her male clients worry they will be mislabeled if they want to be dominant.
“A lot of my clients worry that their bends are wrong,” she explains. They would ask me, ‘Do I think this is strange?’
“Women will say, ‘I have to be such a terrible feminist to want to be treated this way.’
“But I told them the opposite! They are excellent feminists because they are exploring sexuality and controlling their desires.
“There’s a lot of secrecy and shame surrounding people’s fantasies but as long as both partners agree, it’s fine.”
“My seminars are very interactive,” she continued. “People can practice together and have a good laugh trying out different toys. Online is more about theory.
“My business boomed at a standstill. The pandemic has given people time to think about what they want in bed and explore their desires in the comfort of their homes.”
Sarah’s top tips for beginners
Feel free to talk about what you like and what you don’t – communication is key to having the most enjoyable experiences. Make a ‘yes, no, maybe’ checklist and share it with your partner. You can do this verbally or through text or email, whatever feels comfortable.
SLOW START CODE
Some people are like a kid in a candy store when they get started and want to try everything. Then they will be disappointed and not like it. Start slow and pick a few things to start with.
SEE IT AS A LEARNING PROCESS
Don’t get discouraged if something doesn’t turn out the way you expected, sometimes it’s for the best that way. It doesn’t mean you have failed. Having sex and experimenting with kinks is a never-ending learning process. Memories and desires change depending on the partner you are with or where you are in life.
AGREE A FOREWORD
New Doms may worry that they will cross the line and hurt their partner. Use traffic lights to stay safe. Red means ‘stop’. Amber means “I’m fine but I’ve reached my limit so let’s ease up a bit” and Green means “continue”.
When you’re looking for a new partner, try new relationships with that, it’s easy to get the laser to focus on one thing. Be clear about your non-negotiables but be open to discussing trying other things. Kinks change according to your partner and position in life. One thing you don’t care about is being with the right person that you might like it. Having clear boundaries is really important.
https://www.thesun.ie/fabulous/8198650/sex-educator-sarah-butcher-better-orgasms-kink/ I’m a sex educator helping couples spice up their love lives and achieve better orgasms – customers love this surprising item