I’m struggling to deal with my sex addiction and my wife’s love affairs

DEAR DEIDRE: DESPITE has been happily married for 20 years, I am struggling to cope with my wife’s sex addiction.

During the early years of our marriage, I knew that my wife was often unfaithful, but I had no proof. Whenever I confront her, she will say that it’s all in my head.

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I’m 46 and my wife 44. We’ve always had a very healthy sex life, I think – even though we have three kids.

A few years ago, a work colleague told me that he had seen my wife in an upscale restaurant with an elderly man. Only then did she confess.

I’ve always known she likes the finer things in life – which I can rarely offer.

She admits that she has flirted with rich men a few times. She missed enjoying and dining and loved worship.

But what broke my heart the most was her admission that she was caught up in the thrill of making love to someone new.

She promised it would never happen again and I believe it didn’t. She agreed to therapy and had many years of regular counseling. I think we were in a much better place.

Occasionally, however, she searches online for escorts and says it’s for “us” even though she knows I don’t want to be with anyone else.

I also know she texted a male friend of hers telling her what she wanted to do with him.

The feeling is clearly not mutual because the messages are often laughed at by him.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. If I tell her I know what she’s up to, she’ll simply say I shouldn’t be snooping, but if she’s not behaving like that, I don’t need to.

I feel no respect, but we are best friends. I love everything about us apart from this.

DEIDRE SAYS: Finding out that your partner has a sex addiction can be a painful and devastating revelation.

She knows what she’s doing will hurt you, and the fact that she’s cheating on you is ingrained in your relationship.

Living with a sex addict is a challenging position, but living with a recovering sex addict also has its emotional demands. Talk about how you can heal this and rediscover your love and trust.

But she has to be 100% on board and stop texting other men.

She may accuse you of snooping but what she’s doing is much worse. My sex addiction support pack will help you.

Also, insist that you hold some couples counseling. Try Tavistock Relationships and Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org and related.org.uk).

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