It’s 10:30pm and I just saw Marvel’s green goblin fly across a packed dance floor to battle a Lycra-clad Spider-Man.
I’m at Mexico’s legendary Coco Bongo Club – and no, I’m not hallucinating after severe sunstroke.
Set on Cancun Main street, the club even makes Las Vegas look amateurish at times.
Tickets start at £70 but for those willing to splurge, a VIP pass for around £150 includes 15 drinks and gets you a front row seat to the venue’s amazing show.
Everything from a break-dance Game of Thrones night king and aerial artist warriors to surprisingly impressive Freddie Mercury and Moulin Rouge tribute acts is wedged into the two-and-a-half hour extravaganza.
The weird and wonderful experience doesn’t end even as I move out into the warm night.
Next door is the equally wild Senor Frogs, where Pamela Anderson u tommy lee went on their first official date in the nineties.
It may claim to be a restaurant bar, but while it serves food, don’t expect a quiet bite to eat and chat with friends.
Instead, I’m greeted with conga lines, where revelers get free shots of tequila poured in their mouths and scantily clad performers twerk atop the beard.
The venue recently enjoyed a revival – not that it’s ever really gone out of style – after being featured in the Disney+ series Pam & Tommy, based on the relationship between the Baywatch beauty and the outrageous Motley Crue drummer .
I’m sure if it had been built then they would have checked into my base for the week – the Hard Rock Hotel Cancun, just a ten minute cab ride from the city’s clubs and bars.
Powder white sand
Of course, they would have opted for the 2,511-square-foot Rock Star Suite — with Elton-John and police memorabilia, as well as a terrace with stunning views and its own sound system.
But more than half of the hotel’s 600 rooms have stunning ocean views — and as with all things rock ‘n’ roll, everything about Hard Rock is OTT — from the huge snakeskin headboard of my king-size bed to the whirlpool tub in every room.
Rooms are also equipped with large walk-in showers, his and hers sinks, and well-stocked minibars.
In a nod to the venue’s roots, true music lovers can have a turntable and assorted LPs ordered in their room.
The hotel even offers a rent-a-guitar service, where a fender can be ordered to the room free of charge.
For beginners like me, there is also a step-by-step guitar tutorial on the hotel’s TV system.
The hotel is right next to a wide expanse of powder-white sand, or there’s a huge infinity pool, as well as chilled rooftop pools for those in the Rock or Royalty rooms.
Hot stone massage
There’s live music and foam parties most days, plus cocktails on tap at the two swim-up bars.
With five restaurants, including an Italian, a Mexican, and a steakhouse, as well as outdoor pop-up stands, you won’t go hungry at Hard Rock.
Some all-inclusives can be overwhelming when it comes to mealtimes, but Hard Rock’s wide selection tops the list with the very best.
Offering rib eye and sirloin cuts, as well as fried chicken and salmon, Ipanema Grill should be high on anyone’s list of places to try.
However, I would recommend laying down snacks by the pool before heading out to the BBQ as the portions are huge.
For a dining experience with a difference, Zen offers Japanese teppanyaki table dining for up to 11 people. I watched my meal being prepared by the chef who drew attention with various tricks and bursts of flame.
Meanwhile, Italian Ciao offers a sophisticated dining experience that’s just right for a sophisticated date night.
And a must are the rigatoni with vodka, walnuts and truffles.
After dinner, the Hard Rock offers all guests a free nightly live show.
During my visit, this included a Michael Jackson spectacle as well as magic tricks.
If you prefer to relax, the Hard Rock’s on-site spa offers a fabulous range of treatments. But while the Rock Spa is top-notch and the perfect place to unwind with poolside DJ and free frozen cocktails, it doesn’t come cheap.
A 50-minute massage will set you back £176, while an 80-minute hot stone special will set you back £220.
After a week in Cancun, I’m an odd mix of totally relaxed from days in the sun and tired from late nights in crazy Vegas-style bars.
But one thing is for sure, I fell in love with both the city itself and the Hard Rock.
For both the young and the young at heart looking for an exciting getaway without sacrificing the comforts of home, it really ticks all the boxes – and then some.
ARRIVAL / STAY: The seven-night all-inclusive offer at the 5H Hard Rock Hotel Cancun starts at £1,575 per person, based on two people sharing a Deluxe Room with Balcony and Jacuzzi Bath.
Includes flights with Tui from Gatwick in September and October and transfers. See tui.co.uk.
MORE INFO: For details on Hard Rock Cancun, see hrhcancun.com.
https://www.thesun.ie/travel/8664332/cancun-hotel-rock-star-guitars/ Inside the Mexican hotel with rock star suites and free guitars