Kate Lawler admits she was close to shaking as she battled postpartum depression

Kate Lawler bravely shares some of the toughest aspects of motherhood, after giving birth to her first child last year. The Big Brother winner admits she struggled with undiagnosed postpartum depression in the early days of her daughter Noa’s life.

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Kate Lawler’s daughter meets her grandfather for the first time

Kate Lawler bravely recalled her battle with undiagnosed postpartum depression.

The first female Big Brother champion, 41, explained how things got so bad at one point she almost caught her two-month-old baby.

Kate and partner Martin ‘Boj’ Bojtos, 38, welcomed their first child together last February – daughter Noa.

Since then, the Virgin Radio DJ has candidly documented all the ups and downs of first-time motherhood on social media and will reveal more in her debut book, Maybe Baby.

In her honest memoir, Kate admits there was a time when she suffered from undiagnosed postpartum depression, how she felt “emotionally drained” when she nearly shook her crying infant.

Talking to Sun, Kate recalls: “I remember kicking her, go: ‘Shush, shush.” But you’re just like: ‘Oh my gosh, please. What can I do?’ The sound of babies crying when you’re emotionally exhausted, when you haven’t slept and you’ve felt exhausted…you’re low on energy and you’re hungry and you’re tired and your partner is sleeping next to you and you’re think: ‘Oh my god, why am I doing this?’ ”

Despite loving and pampering her only child, Kate struggles with suicidal thoughts and is horrified at how she nearly hurt her.

Writing in her first book, Maybe Baby, the mother of one said: “I remember running into my bedroom and literally screaming, ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ and I put Noa down firmly on the bed, in a way that made me realize I almost shook her, and I ran up to our loft to the loft, too scared of what I was going to do.”

The former reality TV star claims that her partner of eight years forced her to seek professional help and emphasizes that she cannot handle her battle on her own.

The mother-of-one continued to work as a night nanny three nights a week until she felt better and started regular therapy sessions and anti-depressants.

The star also revealed both she and partner Boj agree that one child is “enough” and that Noa won’t be an only child thanks to being surrounded by cousins, dogs and other kids.

Chatting about her not wanting to have children, she admits that her partner doesn’t want children, they would probably be “happy without children”.

The broadcast star had never previously had the desire to tie the knot or have a baby – even having an abortion at the age of 37 – but felt ready and “excited” to be pregnant with Noa.

Reminiscing about her experience with poor mental health in her latest interview, Kate expressed her desire to help “normalize postpartum depression” to help other women.

“I think we’re seeing a shift towards women being more open and honest about their mental health after surgery,” she told The Sun.

“It’s important to have conversations. I don’t think that’s going to happen to me. I want to normalize having postpartum depression or even just feeling low and like you did. mistakes or you regret having kids, it’s normal to feel that way.”

She added: “Parenting is really tough. I never found it easy, even when Noa was in her mid-teens.”

* If you are struggling with mental health you can speak to a trained counselor from mental health charity Mind on 0300 123 3393 or email info@mind.org.uk