London’s ‘ugliest Wetherspoons’ turned out to be ‘a carpeted hellhole’ with a sense of ‘gloominess’

A brave reporter from My London made her way across the capital to sample some of the worst wetherspoons to see if she could find the loser among a bad bunch of pubs

My London reporter Lea Dzifa Seeberg made her way across the capital "Depressing London Boozer Tour"
My London reporter Lea Dzifa Seeberg set out across the capital on her “Depressing London Boozer Tour”.

An intrepid reporter has ventured across London to try and find the ugliest wetherspoons the capital has to offer.

Wetherspoons are common across the country, a ubiquitous pub from Inverness to St Ives.

Some go without the chain criticizing their food or their owner Tim Martin, but you’d be hard pressed to find a player who doesn’t frequent their local wetherspoons.

The chain has some undeniably lovely bars, but some have come under fire for being dreary and drab.

A reporter from My London took it upon themselves to roam across their hometown on what they dubbed a “Depressing London Boozer Tour” in search of the ugliest Wetherspoon the city had to offer.

The reporter branded the Baxter Court terrace “deceptive”.


Lea Dzifa Seeberg)

Lea Dfiza Seeberg admitted that one of her favorite haunts was Wetherspoons Knights Templar, which she frequented as a student.

But she’s now interested in the other end of the spectrum, those who are “so clearly ugly that they’ve earned a reputation for being.”

The first stop was in Hackney, at Baxter’s Court, opposite the big Empire cinema, but at first she was amazed at how downright average the pub looked.

“The outside was painted white and there were flower pots and anniversary decorations flapping in the wind,” she said.

The red walls at Baxter’s Court elicited a fight-or-flight response from the reporter


Lea Dzifa Seeberg)

“The doors led me to a light gray patio that was light, airy and adorned with even more anniversary bunting than outside.”

But then things took a turn for the worse for the pub, adding, “Then I pushed through the second set of doors and felt all my joy sucked out like I’d encountered a Dementor.”

The combination of the “distinctly ’70s style” faded carpet with the “gloomy and dark” interior contributed to an “ugly and depressing pub”.

But the reporter didn’t stop there. She said she felt “empty inside” and feared she would “never really enjoy a beer again.”

The turning point was the red walls, she said, which prompted a fight to escape, causing her to “flee.”

The pub was so unsettling that she ran to the next stop on the Depressing London Boozer Tour, The Masque Haunt in Old Street – the worst rated Zone 1 Wetherspoons the capital has to offer.

The reporter had vague, alcohol-tinged memories of past visits, but was grateful they weren’t more specific.

She said: “The inordinate amount of pennants strung throughout couldn’t quite hide the sheer horror of the dark purple carpet paired with cracked red leather ottomans.”

The Masque Haunt’s dark carpets made the reporter worry about her sanity


Lea Dzifa Seeberg)

Additionally, the slots were described as “on their last legs” and added to the “overall gloom” and “once again I was gripped by an overwhelming sense of gloom”.

“If the doors hadn’t been open, I felt like there was no escaping this carpeted hellhole,” she said.

On the way to the next stop, she fought off what she called the Wetherspoon’s attempt to blunt her luck by imagining rainbows and unicorns.

The final stop on the Depressing London Boozer Tour was The Beehive in Brixton.

The Beehive, the least disliked of the three Wetherspoons


Lea Dzifa Seeberg)

While the bar was admittedly low from the previous two pubs, their third and final stop managed to improve it, albeit marginally.

However, what little joy she got back was quickly spoiled by the “dark wood features and chairs that looked dirtier than a Northern Line seat.”

So she left.

Drawing conclusions from the three-bar tour, the reporter was convinced that all Wetherspoons “have dark carpets to emulate black holes and I’m convinced that’s the reason for my happiness, along with lots of pints.” from past decades.”

Wetherspoons pubs are both loved and loathed by Britons


In pictures via Getty Images)

This, combined with the dark-wood bars and stalls, adds to the somber vibe, but she said all are near subway stations, making for a quick escape.

Walking away in a haze of Wetherspoons-induced gloom, she decided The Masque Haunt took the award for Ugliest Spoon I’ll Never Visit Again.

It was followed by Baxter’s Court in a close second and The Beehive in third due to slightly better lighting.

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