The Daily Mirror’s agony aunt Coleen Nolan has some much-needed advice for a woman who found herself caught between her best friend and her pal’s cheating husband – who was also her boss!
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Dear Coleen, oh One of my best friends is married to my boss. I first knew him when we started working together in a big company around the same time six years ago and then he introduced me to his wife at a party and we became firm friends.
I had known for a few months that he was seeing another woman at work. It had been something of an open secret in the office and the source of much gossip.
I found it stressful to keep it from his wife, so I ended up confronting him about it and explaining that I felt in a very awkward position knowing this was going on.
He said he understands he’s been an idiot and will “fix it.”
I hoped this would be the end and I could stop feeling so guilty.
What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section
He broke up with this woman a few weeks after we spoke, but his wife found out anyway, and someone also told her that the whole office knew about it.
She got mad at me and told me our friendship was over because I wasn’t honest with her and she kicked him out too.
Now I feel terrible for not saying anything but I thought I was doing the right thing by talking to him first. He is now constantly irritable and unhappy at work and I have lost a good friend. any advice?
I think you tried to do the right thing by talking to him first. It was a really tough decision – you have a professional and personal relationship with him and also a close friendship with his wife.
But you spoke to him and hoped he would then focus on his marriage and work things out with his wife one way or another. I guess you didn’t expect her to find out from someone else first!
I understand why your friend is hurt that you didn’t tell her about the affair – her wounds are still open and she feels angry and humiliated – but maybe when the dust has settled and she’s had a chance to put your position in thinking all this through properly, she’ll be more understanding.
You could write her a nice letter explaining that you confronted her husband because you believe he should be the one who should take responsibility for his marriage and you feel in a very difficult position when you both are close
Yes, it could mean the end of your friendship with his wife — she may want to separate from everyone involved and start over. But don’t blame yourself for this mess – it’s his fault!
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/mates-husband-affair-its-shes-26537924 "Mate's husband was having an affair but she's mad at me - I've known about this for months" - Coleen Nolan