Lifestyle

“Maybe the virus had bypassed the obvious things and went straight for my heart?”

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You would think at this stage that I wouldn’t need to learn anything new about being stuck indoors, but you’d be surprised. Here are my lessons from the Covid isolation:

1. If you’re limited to that seven days in your home, living like an invalid, it is hard to tell if you are really ill or if you feel ill

The problem with being housebound is that you can tend to move more slowly and dress warmly and not really dress in your outerwear. So even if you’re not sick, you might as well be. You know what they say – when it looks invalid and walks invalid…

Coincidentally, at some point I also started croaking like an invalid. As determined as I was to maintain my asymptomatic attitude, I eventually had to admit that I might have had a bit of a runny nose. As much as I tried to blame my 5k in the garden in the humid air (there’s a lot of head-turning through the air when your max uninterrupted distance is about 10m diagonally across the garden), I finally accepted that I might have some symptoms. I softened my Putin-esque macho attitude and decided to maybe take some acetaminophen.

Then, of course, I started thinking that maybe there were other symptoms that I was ignoring. Was I a little breathless running through the garden? What if I had a heart attack? Maybe the virus had bypassed the obvious things and went straight for my heart? Were the palpitations that I felt? On the other hand, I probably had five espressos just out of boredom.

2. This is what it could be like to live in one space station

You get really weird when you can’t leave your house, but you quickly realize that in order to survive you have to establish routines and get on with things. Running was an attempt to get by within the imposed limits. As I was running one day I actually thought maybe I should grow some vegetables to see if we could grow food in these conditions. Maybe we should do other experiments.

3. There really isn’t that much quality TV you haven’t seen

It was when I found myself recommending the almost five hours of Jeen-yuhs, the three-part Kanye West documentary on Netflix, to a friend that I realized I might have scratched the bottom of the barrel. “It’s so enlightening in so many ways,” I said, “and you see that a star who hasn’t become a star is often just a really annoying, pushy person that everyone avoids and is embarrassed to be around.” But it just goes to show what your mother’s unconditional approval can do for you. And Mos Def of all people is the only person you suspect was really decent to him in his early days.”

To which I got the scathing reply, “Yes, but five hours is a bit of a commitment for a sane person.” And then I saw myself and what my life had become, very clearly. I had seen everything, not even in one night, in one afternoon.

One morning I was watching a really lame Netflix murder thriller called The The weekend away, just because it’s set in Croatia and they were out on a weekend of the same name. I watched a whole season of a weird comedy called Called Forever on Amazon in one session. I took consolation that it had been canceled after one season, so I knew I’d get some kind of closure after four hours. My wife avoided me at this point, even as I yelled at her, “I found this comedy on Amazon, it’s not bad! There’s this one Minnie RIperton’s daughter in it, and Aziz Ansari appears to be involved.”

When I really started feeling self-loathing, I would clear my taste buds by looking at something higher about Russian oligarchs or Soviet Union history. All in all, I think it’s fair to say it’s just as good that I have a job.

4. It is possible to gain a pound in weight a day

who knew So technically, if I just stayed home, didn’t exercise much, and kept eating, I’d eventually explode or something because it seems like there’s no upper limit to my weight. It never stagnates. It went on at exactly one pound a day. It takes me a week to lose a pound but you know what, I wasn’t feeling well so I figured it was about eating and getting through this difficult time. The pinnacle of decadence was the delivery of smoothies rather than the green variety. I took two berries a day because they were full of vitamins. They were of course also full of so-called frozen yogurt, also known as ice cream. I hasten to add that I haven’t had two deliveries a day. I would double the one delivery and put one in the fridge for “later”, which meant half an hour later. I’m starting to think the smoothies and the weight gain might be related.

5. My family really isn’t the worst

It kind of feels like we’ve been through it all and spent too much time together. But this was different. It was a very intense time together. And you know what? I won’t get too pregnant, but I couldn’t really think of three other people I’d rather be locked up with. We actually laughed. And that’s all you can do, really, isn’t it?

https://www.independent.ie/life/family/maybe-the-virus-had-bypassed-the-obvious-stuff-and-was-going-straight-for-my-heart-41463232.html “Maybe the virus had bypassed the obvious things and went straight for my heart?”

Fry Electronics Team

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