“Menopause was the path to my inner peace as it helped me focus more on myself” – Saira Khan

Saira Khan says when she turned 50 in lockdown and was going through menopause, something just clicked. She had more time to focus on herself and started to feel better

In a recent interview about my menopause experience, I concluded, “I’m 52 years old and going through menopause, but I feel my sexiest, strongest and healthiest than ever.”

Don’t get me wrong, menopause is hard work. My skin was drying out, I was sweating, couldn’t sleep, and I looked like I’d aged 10 years overnight.

But it changed my attitude towards myself.

I’m lucky to be able to take HRT – and once my hormones were back in balance, so was my libido, zest for life, energy and the feeling of owning myself and feeling like a woman.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt really sexy. In my 20s, I was confident, naive, and overly concerned with what other people thought.

I just wanted to be someone else – I didn’t want to be in my shoes because everyone else looked more desirable.

My 30’s were all about IVF and pregnancy where my body just didn’t feel like my own.

The ovulation drugs made me feel bloated, the pregnancy made my skin tight, and the birth was a c-section that severed muscles. And don’t get me started on the eight months of breastfeeding!

Pregnancy and being a mother have bothered my self-esteem. I felt ugly, old-fashioned and irrelevant. I hated my body, so I gave up — I stopped caring about how I looked and used “I’m too tired” as an excuse not to get intimate.

At 40, I had a newborn and a two-year-old, and plunged into the life of a working mom.

When my two children were in school, I got time for myself. So I embarked on the exercise and dieting journey at 45 – I started years trying to get a six pack because I just wanted to “get my abs back.”

I might have looked happier on the outside, but on the inside I still felt very physically negative.

Then I turned 50 in lockdown and when I hit menopause, it just clicked.

I’ve had the luxury of focusing on myself – on skin care, learning how to meditate, breathe and stretch, and eating better.

I invested in a little botox, a massage, coloring my hair, regular manicures.

And soon I bought stylish and fashionable clothes, underwear and shoes. I look in the mirror and see my fine lines, but now I’m smiling and winking – because I feel sexy and beautiful inside.

I’ve made peace with my body shape but accept that with a little bit of physical activity every day I can still look strong and feel sexy.

So now I walk 5K and have a butt that many 20 year olds would envy!

With wisdom, life experience, and an “I don’t care what you think” attitude, many of us women in our 50s are redefining confidence.

You can lose yourself 20 years in life, but you can find yourself again.

And when you do that, it can make you feel beautiful.