Money for bad people and flogging a dead horse – POLITICO

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

If the coronavirus pandemic (remember the coronavirus? It was hugely popular in 2020) has taught us anything, it’s the value of being creative to make ends meet.

Some people started businesses, others adapted surprisingly well to working from home, and an enterprising former pub landlord reportedly secured loans from the UK government and sent the money to ISIS (Remember ISIS? They were very popular in the mid-2010s).

Tarek Namouz is on trial accused of exploiting the “bounceback” loan scheme designed to prop up the UK economy and using the money – reportedly thousands of pounds – to fund the terrorist group in Syria. Declassified’s attorney — I say attorney, I am only after watching Better Call Saul — could not find anything in the fine print of the contract for the bounceback loan program that said the money would not be used to fund foreign mercenaries can. Another government failure!

Speaking of money for bad people, the EU’s recent proposal for a sanctions package against Russia would not only target the energy sector – including a ban on crude oil (which is just like regular oil, but from time to time it tells you fuck off must). and banks (bad news for anyone opening a Sberbank savings account in 2021, lured by the offer of a free Vladimir Putin bobblehead for any new customer) – but also some of the Kremlin’s mouthpieces.

In announcing the planned sanctions, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen did not identify which propaganda sites would be targeted, but my colleagues were told they were Rossiya RTR/RTR Planeta, Rossiya 24 and TV Center International (the latter being clearly the result was). to use the Kremlin’s name generator machine. The EU has such a machine too, as evidenced by this week’s health data room announcement!)

Speaking of spitting out words that don’t always mean something, the European Parliament voted for electoral changes that include that hardy perennial… the transnational electoral list! I don’t know about you, but all people are talking about in the markets and bars in my neighborhood is which pan-European MEP they will vote for in the next general election. That was the fifth time The idea of ​​transnational lists had been officially proposed by Parliament, which apparently has yet to figure out that most people don’t vote for MPs from their own country, so are unlikely to vote for people from other countries. But you know what they say…if you don’t succeed at first, keep going until people get so fed up with you that they give in.



“If you decide to join NATO and Russia invades, we will provide you with so many weapons.”

can you do better E-mail [email protected] or on Twitter @pdallisonesque

Last week we gave you this photo:


Thanks for all entries. Here’s the best of our mailbag – there’s no prize but the gift of laughter, which I think is far more valuable than cash or alcohol.

“The touching testimony of a victim who was tricked into paying for Twitter, a free platform”, by Giovanni Cellini.

Paul Dalison is POLITICS‘s slot news editor. Money for bad people and flogging a dead horse - POLITICO

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