Mirror torment aunt Coleen Nolan has some advice for a woman in the process of an agreed divorce whose soon-to-be ex-husband wants to take his new partner on a family vacation
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My husband and I are separated and in the process of divorcing. It’s pretty much amicable because the split was a joint decision.
But my dilemma is this: we had booked a family holiday in a villa that we go to every year and we agreed that because of the kids we would still go together as a family.
However, he has now dropped a wrench at work when asked if it would be okay for his new partner to join us for a week of the two-week holiday.
Is it me or is that a step too far? We’ve remained friends and have done everything we can to make sure our sons are okay, but this request infuriated me.
We’re not even divorced and I haven’t met anyone yet, so it doesn’t feel right or the same.
My kids have only met their dad’s friend a couple of times (I haven’t met them at all) and I think it would be weird if they saw their dad with another woman while I’m there too!
I’ve made up my mind to say no, even if that means he doesn’t come at all or only comes alone for a week.
I think I’m right, but I’d like your opinion on this.
I think if you think so, then you’re right. You are not ready for this – there may come a time in the future when you are, but right now you are not. Maybe he’s getting pressure from his new girlfriend, who’s against him going on vacation with his ex, so he feels pressured to ask you out.
If you feel uncomfortable, then don’t agree.
It sure doesn’t seem like a good idea to be cooped up in a mansion together – if it were a hotel and you were in separate rooms and meeting up for lunch or a swim every now and then it might be different.
But sharing a house with your new girlfriend seems like a step too far so close to your split.
I think it might be complicated for the kids too – if it’s just you and the ex they might take it as a hopeful sign that you’re getting back together, and also when the new girlfriend is there too it’s weird and awkward for her. You can’t win.
To me, that sounds way too early for this kind of social gathering.
If he says he can’t come without his partner, why can’t they stay somewhere nearby and sometimes take the kids for a walk, which would also give you a break?
But as things stand it doesn’t sound like a relaxing break to me!
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/my-ex-husband-wants-bring-26512938 "My ex-husband wants to take his new girlfriend on a family vacation with our kids" - Coleen Nolan