“My girlfriend copies everything I do and I feel like I can’t get away from her” – Coleen Nolan

Coleen Nolan, the mirror’s agonizing aunt, counsels a woman who is upset by a boyfriend who copies everything she does and feels she needs a vacation from her

Dear Coleen,

This probably seems like a minor issue compared to others you’ll get, but here we go. I have a friend who basically copies a lot of the things I do. It started with her buying the same clothes and progressed to buying things for her home that I bought for mine.

I’ve turned a blind eye to most of them but now I’ve found out that she’s going on holiday to the same place in Devon as us and at the same time.

I feel like I can’t escape her! I know she’s going to suggest meeting our kids, but I really don’t want to. I need a vacation from her.

How should I go about this? She was a reliable friend and we laugh together, but it’s getting to be too much.

What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section

Coleen says

This dilemma has actually come up a few times in the years that I’ve been writing this column. Obviously your girlfriend admires you but I think her behavior also comes from a place of insecurity and she is trying to find an identity through you.

But it probably makes you feel weird about your own identity, weird about the friendship, and a bit smothered too.

If I were in this situation, I would say, “I love you like a friend, but I feel a little uncomfortable that you buy the same clothes as me and your house looks like mine and you go on the same vacation”.

She could be offended or embarrassed and fall out with you, or it will make her think about what she’s doing and what’s behind it. It will depend on how strong your friendship is and how honest they are willing to be with you and themselves.