Mirror torment aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a man finding his relationship difficult due to his girlfriend’s childhood trauma – her mother was an alcoholic and her father left her when she was three
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I’m a guy in my early 30s and my girlfriend is 29. I love her so much and want to spend my life with her, but the relationship is often hard work because of her childhood.
Her mother was an alcoholic and her father left her when she was three years old. She was then in and out of foster care or lived with various relatives most of the time.
Things can be great for months but then she freaks out about something and leaves, or she gets jealous and very possessive about nothing but it causes big fights.
We spoke about her past and I really feel for her because it must have been horrible. She says she has never felt safe and worries about being left alone as this has always happened to her in the past.
I’ve assured her endlessly that I have no intention of leaving her, but it makes no difference – she doesn’t believe it. She took counseling but that was years ago when she was a teenager and she said it didn’t help her then.
I want this to work, but I also feel drained from all these intense emotions, and to be honest, I never know what mood I’m going to wake up with in the morning. Please advise.
What advice would you give? Share your opinion in the comment section
It seems that she tests you often to see if you let her down too, which is very hard to take and very exhausting.
And because she has this expectation for you to leave, she kind of sabotages the relationship before you hurt her.
Counseling may not have worked when she was younger, but it might help now, so encourage her to try again or even go to couples therapy together to support your relationship.
You will be able to express how you are feeling without the drama and hopefully it will also help you to better understand them and what drives their behavior.
Hopefully through counseling she will also find better ways to deal with when she is feeling anger or insecurity.
It’s worth trying again, but it’s a process that takes time.
But the bottom line is she needs to help herself and be willing to change.
She needs to work through and repair the damage from the past and understand that if she keeps throwing it at you and you’re feeling helpless in the situation, there’s every chance you’ll finally give in and walk away.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/my-girlfriends-childhood-trauma-puts-26495249 "My girlfriend's childhood trauma is taking a huge toll on our relationship" - Coleen Nolan