“My husband and I haven’t spoken to each other in days and haven’t had sex in 10 years” – Coleen Nolan

Agony’s aunt Coleen Nolan counsels a reader in her 50s who feels her sexless marriage is beyond salvage. She says sometimes she doesn’t speak to her husband for days

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my husband for 30 years – since we were both 22 – but the thought of spending another 30 years in a meaningless marriage is incredibly depressing.

We haven’t had sex in probably 10 years, even though we sleep in the same bed every night.

He is emotionally separated from me and we can go hours or even days without speaking.

I still feel young at 52 and don’t want to give up and settle for it.

However, he’s so difficult to talk to and I feel like things have gotten to the point where they can’t be saved.

I do not know what to do.

What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section

Coleen says

OK, I think you need to tell him straight out that you’re unhappy and that the marriage hasn’t been good for a very long time. Then the next thing to address is – what are you doing about it?

The truth is that you can spend every day with someone without having a connection. You can be married and still feel desperately lonely because the relationship is broken.

In long-term relationships, when sex and emotional intimacy disappear, many people just think that’s what happens when you have it
been together for so long and it’s a matter of moving on.

Well, that may be true if both partners feel that way and are content with friendship and companionship, but that is not the case with you and your man. You want more, but you can’t fix your marriage on your own—he has to work, too.

My advice is don’t settle for it. The next 30 years could be the best of your life.