Ms Coleen Nolan, whose aunt is living through Mirror grief, advises a woman whose self-esteem has been battered after her husband’s affair
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I was very sad after finding out that my husband had an affair with a woman he knew through work.
I found some condoms in his suitcase while I was doing his dirty laundry, which he must have forgotten.
When I confronted him, he knew there was no way he could lie because I was on the Pill and we hadn’t used condoms in years.
Apparently, it went on for a few weeks and he said it was just about sex and nothing else, and he was going to end it. He claims she flirted with him and that’s how it started and he misses the thrill of good sex and how easily he gets led.
Needless to say, my self-esteem is in the toilet and I also have our two kids to think about. He never told me that he wasn’t happy with our sex life, so this was nothing.
I don’t know what to do – I haven’t told a soul because, as crazy as it sounds, I don’t want people to think badly of him.
We’re having a wedding and a relative’s 80th birthday party and I don’t know how I’m going to maintain the facade that everything is fine and normal.
What should I do?
What advice would you give? Have your voice in the comments
Well, things are not normal and fine, and I think it would be nice to confide in someone you trust to provide information. You will feel better and it will help you get some perspective. I know you’re very angry and devastated right now, so I won’t make any decisions about your marriage until the dust settles and you have some time to think.
If you need to ask him to leave to give you some space, then do it.
Don’t worry about others and focus on yourself – if you want to attend these events alone or with your kids, make an excuse for your husband if you don’t want to share the real reason.
I don’t know if you can (or even if you want to) stay with him after this, but I think you need to have some really frank discussions about how each person feels about the marriage. core. And he needs to be honest about what led up to the affair.
If you find it difficult to communicate honestly, sign up for some counseling. The most important thing is, don’t blame yourself – this is on him.
He had many chances to tell you that he wasn’t happy and wanted to do something about it, but he chose to sleep with someone else.
Naturally, your self-esteem is running low, but if you start taking control of the situation and what you want, you’ll start to feel stronger. Good luck.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/my-husband-cheated-because-misses-26247735 'My husband cheated on me because he misses the thrill of sex' - Coleen Nolan