DEAR DEIDRE: My husband must think I’m blind or stupid because he’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s sleeping with his 23-year-old assistant.
He walks in with her lipstick smudged on his face and I find her panties in his pocket.
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He would even text her when I sat next to him on the sofa and announced that he was talking to “the boys.”
He’s 42, I’m 38, and we’ve been married for eight years. He has never been so great as a partner.
For our entire relationship, I’m the one who cooks, cleans, and gets organized after him. He never even offered to help.
Even in the bedroom he is selfish. It’s all about what he likes. We just do positions that he likes and it’s all over when he’s at the top.
In the 12 years we’ve been together, he hasn’t once made me climax – not because he can’t, but because he hasn’t tried.
He’s just lazy. His mother has been public about how she spoiled him as a child, so I guess he expected the same from me.
But I accept it all because he’s funny, charming, and a great dad to our seven-year-old son.
Lately, however, he’s become even more uncomfortable around. He was constantly criticizing the way I looked and the way I did things.
Apparently I even misplaced the dishwasher – hilarious advice from someone who’s never loaded it himself.
It all made sense when I found a pair of bright pink underwear in his pocket when I did the laundry.
The sad thing is, I wasn’t even that surprised. When we met in our 20s, he was a true bingo player. He knows he can have any girl he wants and I guess nothing will change.
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I still haven’t said anything to him. I want to leave but I don’t want to cause trouble for our son.
Am I going to turn a blind eye for a few more years until he’s a bit older?
DEIDRE SAYS: Children are more intuitive than we think. They often cause stress at home, and this can damage their emotional development. My support package, When Parents Go, explains this in more detail.
But your mental health is just as important as your son’s. Tell your husband what you found. Make it clear that the two of you are no longer happy and that breaking up will be for the best for all of you.
My Stand Up for Yourself Package will help you get your message across clearly and calmly.
If you are concerned about how this will affect your son, Family Lives (family lives.org.uk0808 800 2222) offers free, confidential advice on a wide range of issues.
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https://www.thesun.ie/dear-deidre/8151954/husband-affair-with-assistant/ My husband had an affair with his assistant