A frustrated reader writes to Mirror-based aunt Coleen Nolan for advice regarding her husband’s ex, who keeps calling and texting him despite their split almost two decades ago
Photo: Getty Images/Westend61)
I have been married to my husband for seven years but have been with him for a total of 16 years.
Dealing with my husband’s ex-wife over the years has been horrible. She keeps calling and texting him and pretending I don’t exist. They also have a daughter together who is 29 years old and married.
My husband allows her to continue doing this and is quite kind to her. He did her many favors in the house when his daughter was still living there.
Then his ex moved away for two hours and it was very nice for a while but then the calls and texts started all over again. Now she’s asked him to come over and paint her whole house and said she’d pay him to do it. It will take a couple of weekends to finish and he says he will drive there and come home in the evening.
I find this totally wrong and ridiculous. She says she hired a painter and wasn’t happy with the result, so she asked my husband.
I’m very upset about this and tried to have a calm conversation with him about it. Am I wrong. How should I handle it?
What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section
I think your anger isn’t just about him painting her house. It sounds like she’s been a thorn in your side for 16 years — but you’re right when you say it’s because he lets her do it.
I understand that when her daughter was younger he felt he needed to be around more and help with things, but she is 29 and married now.
It sounds like his ex is still very dependent on him and maybe he is also emotionally dependent on her to some extent. Maybe he likes it when she’s there in the background, or maybe he’s still struggling with guilt over leaving his family.
So I think you need to ask him why he feels the need to be so available to her and explain how you feel as his wife — that he’s not 100% in this marriage. Also, this addiction probably prevented his ex from moving forward in their lives.
It doesn’t have to mean that he cut ties with his ex altogether, but just isn’t as available every time she calls or texts because it makes you feel insecure and neglected, and ultimately it will damage your marriage.
And if she’s unhappy with her painter, she can hire another!
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/my-husband-still-beck-call-27120838 "My husband is still available to his ex after 16 years" - Coleen Nolan