“My runaway wife has returned home, but my parents will not forgive her” – Coleen Nolan

Daily Mirror’s agonizing aunt Coleen Nolan offers advice to a man feeling the pressure his family won’t forgive his wife now that she’s back after she had an affair and left him

couple in bed
A reader said his wife returned home after leaving to live with a man she met online (stock photo)

Dear Coleen

My wife and I split up last year after she got out of control. We were together for 12 years and have two young children.

She actually left me to live with a guy she met online (he was one of several men she’d been in contact with). We’re both in our early 40s, and I think she was going through some sort of mid-life crisis.

She hated where we lived in the country. She had a hard time making friends and, having lived her entire life in the city until five years ago, she couldn’t adjust. We also had some financial issues that started about three years ago and argued a lot – blaming each other.

Long story short, she dated this other guy for a few months while the kids stayed with me and she saw them most weekends.

But then she came forward, begging for another chance and saying she was so miserable that she needed to get out and away from everyone and everything.

She came back, we had counseling and things are going well.

But my family, especially my parents, cannot forgive her for that. They have made it clear that they don’t want them in their homes or at any family events. They basically canceled her. I feel like this is putting a lot of pressure on our already fragile relationship.

Can you help?

What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section

Coleen Nolan is the mirror’s aunt of death

Coleen says

Forgiving and moving forward will not be as easy for your family as it is for you—they love you and your children, and they’ve seen all the things she did to you. No doubt they will be concerned that she will do it again. I think in a situation like this it will take time for your wife to prove herself and for your family to trust her again.

But the bottom line is your life, your relationship, and your family, and you must do what is right for you.

I think it makes sense to have ongoing counseling so that you can communicate better and have support in working through the issues in your relationship.

When you go through a period of stability and your family sees that things are going well and you all seem happy, then I think they will start to accept the situation. But they’ll probably never feel that way about your wife ever again.

She has to accept the fact that she hurt her too and make an effort to repair the damage.

You have to be honest with your parents.

Tell them that you understand why they’re worried and that you know you’re taking a risk and it might not work out — but that you also want the opportunity to bring your family back together.

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