“My wife won’t tell me why she wants us to sleep in separate bedrooms” – Coleen Nolan

Daily Mirror’s nagging aunt Coleen Nolan is giving advice to a man who feels he doesn’t know his wife of 40 anymore after she tells him she wants them to have separate bedrooms

Dear Coleen

My wife and I have been married for over 40 years and have two children and three grandchildren. I have always felt very fortunate and blessed to have such a close and loving family.

The problem is that my wife decided that we should have separate bedrooms.

She feels she needs her own space and says we have empty spaces that are no longer used. I urged her to give me a better reason, but she refuses. I still want to be close to her and I love her very much, so it hurts me a lot that after all the years we’ve spent together, she doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me.

We’re still occasionally intimate, although I’m probably more enthusiastic than her. However, it was never an issue for me. I value her and our family above all else.

I worry that this is the beginning of the end of our marriage, but it’s very hard to know when she won’t talk to me.

I’m sad and worried and it changed things between us. It’s almost like I don’t know her anymore and I’m afraid of making a mistake. What can I do?

What advice would you give this reader? Share your opinion in the comment section

Coleen says

It’s extremely frustrating when someone doesn’t offer an explanation that feels honest. Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt you, but I think you deserve a reason why she needs her own space.

You have to ask her the tough questions, even if you worry about her answers.

Didn’t she love you anymore? Doesn’t she want to be intimate anymore? Is she mad at you for some reason or is she feeling pressured? Why now?

Communication is key so I think you need to stop worrying about getting a foot wrong and insist you want to have a discussion about it because you feel blind and hurt. If you don’t talk about it, it will be very difficult for your relationship. But do it calmly and with a supportive attitude.

Separate rooms don’t have to mean the end of a relationship — I’ve known couples where rekindling things romantically has worked. And when you’ve been together a long time and know each other that well, having your own space can be a good thing.

However, I think you need validation and you shouldn’t be ashamed or too proud to ask for it.

Much luck.