The Mirror’s Coleen Nolan advises a mother-of-three who is still attracted to her husband, but she is exhausted from looking after their young children and he is stressed at work
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I am an exhausted mother of three young children and worry that my marriage – and especially my sex life – is being affected as a result.
I still really like my husband, he’s a very attractive guy, but we hardly ever have sex these days.
I was always tired or cranky from taking care of the kids all day and he was often stressed and intolerant at work.
We haven’t talked about it yet, but it’s the elephant in the room and I worry that if it drags on any longer, there won’t be a marriage at all.
The problem is that I never feel like having sex and I don’t feel sexy – how can I turn this around?
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All I want to do is go to bed at night as soon as possible, put on a sleep mask, put on headphones to listen to music to help me drift off, and have as many hours of rest as possible before the kids wake up. 6 a.m.
I know it’s not good for our marriage in the long run, but I don’t know how to get us out of this situation.
It is very easy to fall into this trap, especially if you have young children.
Looks like you’ve stopped thinking of yourself as a couple.
Here’s the thing, if you break up and end up meeting someone else you really like and are all enjoying, you’re going to spend time with that person, arrange babysitters, and make plans because you want to meet them. they alone.
We take our relationships for granted, so we stop pushing for each other and things become normal and mundane.
But you have to talk about it – talk about why you love each other and how you adored each other when you met. Sometimes when you reminisce, it can bring all the positive feelings to the surface.
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Now I can think about my first boyfriend and still recall the feelings I had years ago.
If you’re doing it with your husband, it will curb your desires and help you remember why you’re together.
Start planning, even if it’s one night a week or a night for two – sleeping through the night or having a babysitter won’t kill your child.
But you have to make it come true – wishes don’t just fly out of the sky and land in your lap.
Also, it has to be a constant effort – you can’t try for a week and then forget about it for a few months.
But if you keep going, it will bring you closer and work on feelings of sensuality and libido.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/stress-three-young-kids-means-26456222 'Stress and three young children mean sex life is ruined - I worry for our marriage' - Coleen Nolan