Even with the best of intentions, it’s nearly impossible to avoid arguments when planning a wedding—with your friends, family, suppliers, and each other.
From the guest list to the bachelorette party, many of these conflicts crop up again and again, but with careful communication, you can nip them in the bud.
Here we break down the 10 biggest wedding struggles and how to avoid them.
1. Guest list tug of war
Tensions can immediately arise over whether to include your entire extended family. “Most young people would like to have their friends there instead of their great-aunt or uncle, whoever,” says Bernadette Ryan, psychotherapist and relationship therapist at Mind & Body Works. She urges couples to make it clear to parents if they’d rather just invite their own friends.
“Parents might want their friends to be there, but maybe they could do something outside of the wedding to celebrate and let the young people do what they want to do on the day,” says Ryan.
“If there will be offended parties, let people know in advance there will be a small number.”
2. The Bridal Shower
According to Jessica O’Sullivan, editor of , choosing a bridesmaid can be a big source of tension OneFabDay.com. “Very often a bride feels she needs to ask someone, be it her partner’s sister or a cousin. It’s your day and you should be by your side whoever you want,” she says. “The more people you add, the more it costs, so you can always blame budget.”
She recommends tackling these conversations head-on by telling the person you would have liked them to be in the bridal shower, and instead try to include them in other ways, such as: B. through a reading.
video of the day
“There will be disappointments, but if they’re really good friends, they’ll get over it.”
Remember that the wedding day can be very stressful. “You want to surround yourself with people who will make the morning a peaceful, harmonious day,” says O’Sullivan.
3. Respect traditions
Weddings can spark complicated discussions about specific customs, from religious aspects of the ceremony to wearing a veil. “It’s about understanding. The key is that both parties are open to compromise,” says David Kavanagh, a psychotherapist and relationship counselor based in Dundrum, Dublin. This may mean that you agree to take up a tradition that is meaningful to your partner, parents, or future in-laws, and that they support you in creating your own traditions.
4. Planning Obligations
When it comes to opposite-sex couples, Kavanagh says, “Women tend to do everything, and men don’t do nearly as much.” This can lead to resentment from the bride and a feeling that her partner is not doing her part, while grooms can feel marginalized in decision-making.
“Planning a wedding demonstrates the couple’s ability to work as a team in a way that they’ve never really had to grapple with, unless they’ve bought a house or had a baby,” he says .
One way to deal with this is to set boundaries when talking about the wedding. “It shouldn’t be couples watching Netflix and someone saying, ‘I want to talk about my dress,’ or ‘I don’t think we’re spending enough on the honeymoon,'” says Kavanagh.
5. Disappoint suppliers
Whether it’s a makeup artist, florist or photographer, make sure you’re the right person before hiring. “Suppliers are artists and everyone has their own thing that they’re really good at,” says O’Sullivan. There’s no point in hiring a photographer who specializes in candid, natural-light images when you want glossy shots.
“You have to look at her style and make sure it matches your style instead of just thinking, ‘My friend recommended this photographer and he will do anything I ask him to do.'” She advises requesting a full portfolio so that the best shots “are not just a coincidence and you like what you see”.
6. Budget Management
Disagreements over the budget can be a hint of what’s to come, Ryan warns. “With most couples, one spends a lot and the other saves. Conflicts can arise when one person doesn’t want to save money and the other is thinking about the mortgage,” she says.
“It’s about deciding as a couple: What do we really want? Finances are a huge source of stress for couples so it is important that they are very clear and honest with each other and try to compromise as much as possible.”
7. Bachelorette Party Drama
“The bride might want six girlfriends and her mother for afternoon tea, and the bridesmaid might say, ‘We’re all going to Galway for the weekend and they’re doing nudes there,'” says O’Sullivan. In most cases, the bride isn’t kept in the loop, but that’s all the more reason to have clarity about what she wants.
“They may feel like their bridesmaid is arranging this party and they don’t want to seem ungrateful. So it’s really important to be open about what you want from the start,” she says.
8. Too many opinions
When shopping for clothes, you might be tempted to invite the whole gang over, but Ryan warns against it. “You question everyone else’s opinion before you’ve even formed your own opinion about what you want,” she says.
Instead, O’Sullivan advises taking an initial trip with a very trusted friend to decide what type of dress you want. “Once you have an idea of what style you want — a sweetheart neckline, a mermaid skirt — you walk in with your bridal party and you’re like, ‘Here are four dresses I’m considering, which one do you like?'”
9. Guest Spend
Over the years, weddings have expanded from one-day events to a full weekend of celebrations. After the lockdown, they rose even further.
“We see people having lunch to ask people to be bridesmaids, then lunch when they go to their bridal appointments, then the bridal party meet and get to know each other, then the hen and then parties when people go on their honeymoon “, she says.
“I think it’s the post-pandemic excitement because people are so happy to be able to do all these things that we haven’t been able to do for a long time.”
However, the result can stretch guests’ wallets, so keep that in mind.
10. Conflicting ideas about honeymoon
Differing ideas about what makes a good vacation can lead to mishaps, but O’Sullivan suggests hiring a travel agent to find a solution.
“If one person likes to relax and another person wants to climb a mountain, they can do a little bit of Column A and a little bit of Column B,” she says. “You will never be able to spend the hours of research involved in customizing itineraries. They will do everything for you and you are also covered in case something happens.”
https://www.independent.ie/style/weddings/top-10-wedding-conflicts-and-how-to-prevent-them-from-happening-42010815.html The 10 most common wedding conflicts and how to avoid them