Anti-royalist Brian Reade conjures up a very different view of what the Queen could have said on her platinum anniversary – saying the monarch “needs better advisers”.
Image: Getty Images)
It’s not the easiest weekend for a passionate Republican like me.
During these mass monarchist orgies, we are the social outcasts that many would like to see swept from the streets, Putin-style, because we are unpatriotic dissidents, and hidden from the world’s cameras.
All this so that the propagandists can perpetuate the myth that the British are insanely lucky to live in a fairyland of pomp, pomp, princes and princesses. And potholes. Many of them. Another reason to stay away from a street festival.
I try to ignore the blanket reporting of the sycophantic idiots who have camped outside Buckingham Palace for days pulling their forelocks on rich strangers (that’s just the royal TV correspondents) and waiting for it to be over.
Also, I may hate the monarchy and everything it stands for, but I don’t hate the Queen as a person. After all, her favorite Prime Minister was Harold Wilson, she couldn’t stand Margaret Thatcher, and her porter and best friend for the past 20 years has been Angela Kelly, the daughter of a Scouse docker.
POOL/AFP via Getty Images)
She just needs better advisors. Take her anniversary message: “The coming days will provide an opportunity to reflect on all that has been accomplished over the past 70 years.”
Step up your game, Liz. You have a unique opportunity to truly unite the nation by bringing together the 25% of us who want the monarchy to be abolished with the 75% who don’t.
All you have to do is give this speech I’ve prepared…
“Unfortunately, not much has changed since I ascended the throne in 1952. Instead of rationing, we now have food banks. And it’s a shame. I don’t want you all gathering around tables laden with food when so many of my people are hungry. There was poverty in 1952, but I don’t remember teachers having to bring food to school to feed hungry children, or pensioners driving buses all day to keep warm.
“That’s why, for my anniversary, I’m calling for free school meals for all students and a 10 percent increase in the state pension.
“Then, as now, we were misfits on our own continent because people like Jacob Rees-Mogg lived in a Victorian time warp. which is sad. Speaking of Old Etonians, the first three male prime ministers to serve a full term under me all went to this school and then to Oxford. Just like the last two male prime ministers. After 70 years, this is still a class-ridden hellhole.
“The entrenchment of privilege by the 6% of privately educated children must end, so I am advising my government to abolish public schools. Let’s call it “leveling up”.
“I am also taking off the roll of honor so there will be no more payback for political cronies and I am stripping away all the crown jewels to give NHS staff a decent raise. I make sure every king has only one medium sized house and all our mansions and castles are donated to homeless charities.
“I also sell our lands to non-profit cooperatives to build low-rent houses for young people who can’t afford housing.
“Let me say as a mother that I agree with everyone on Mumsnet who thinks Boris is a lying bastard. He has to go. And finally, as a mother, I have also decided that Andrew does not get a dime for this payment.”
Come on Queenie, you know it makes sense.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/alternative-queens-speech-shows-certain-27140909 "The Alternative Queen's Speech Shows Certain Things Haven't Changed Since 1952" - Brian Reade