The secret to happiness in your golden years and what you can do about it now

Brooks divides the post-mid-world decades into four areas known as the 4 F. No.

In an online video, the super-trimmed professor tells us: “The sooner you start investing in Happiness 401k [401k is a US pension plan], the better you will be. You can dramatically change your likelihood of being happy at 75 compared to when you’re 25, but you have to make the investments.”

If our adult lives between 20 and 90 are optimistic, then 55 is the midpoint where we need to get work done to make sure we don’t end up turning into Victor Meldrew or moping in the garden, dreaming about our glory days as CEO.

His advice ranges from trivial (don’t smoke, don’t drink too much, take a daily walk) to most importantly, cultivate stable long-term relationships.

Paul Dolan, Professor of Behavioral Science at LSE and author of Happiness by design and Happily ever afterThe first thing to realize is that we are likely to be happier even if we do nothing.

“The only strong finding we got from our happiness data is that as you enter middle age, it goes up,” said Professor Dolan. “When you’re 50 and you look at a 30-year-old, chances are they’ll spend the next 20 years less happy and you’ll spend making them happier.”

That said, there are little things that “if we do more each day, I’m pretty confident we’d be happier”. These include listening to music, being outdoors, helping others, spending time with people you like, and laughing.

“If you do any extra 15 minutes or one of those things every day, you’ll be happier.”

The good news is that one of the reasons we’re happier as we get older is that we start to do these things naturally – avoiding the pursuit of success and money in favor of life-enhancing clichés. , like listening to birdsong and baking bread. bread.

But we shouldn’t rely on natural gratification, he says — we still need to “make happiness a habit by building into these activities on a daily basis.”

Dolan (53) has been lifting weights 5 times a week for over 20 years and it’s been central to both his identity and his health, but he realizes that even such healthy, fun habits This is also weak enough to be broken by a break. or illness.

“I keep a weight training diary, like I call Zoom,” he said.

This planning may sound exhausting, he says, but it actually takes the effort out of reaching your goals. “My mind is already packed and ready to go to the gym.”

Dr. Tom Cotton, a psychotherapist and founder of the developmental consulting firm Environmental Mind, can’t stand the word “crisis” appearing after “midlife”. “I like to think of it as an opportunity in middle age,” he said.

In the area of ​​life that Brooks calls work — in other words, your function — Cotton says it’s important to celebrate all that you’ve achieved instead of mourning what you’ve lost. “Experience, wisdom in life, big context thinking… you have seen a lot and it is a new source of energy to fuel the next step.”

What we need to avoid is competing with younger people or with our past selves.

“Admit that, physically, you’re not at the peak of your strength anymore,” he said. Don’t ignore or mourn this material loss, he says, “don’t go out and buy a Ferrari” or whatever helps foster the illusion that you’re still young, he said.

This hard-earned wisdom and experience can be used to help others, one of the best ways to find happiness as we age.

Volunteering or mentoring helps even those in need, but also helps us realize the amount of knowledge we’ve gathered. Friends of mine who have advised students from underprivileged schools on how to interview well for Cambridge are said to have benefited more than their mentors.

As well as staying away from the sports car, all experts recommend avoiding the otherwise mid-life cliché of selling your spouse in favor of a younger model. My husband is a family lawyer and says that rarely does his client seem happier after a divorce.

“Once they feel relieved to take action,” he says, “their satisfaction levels return to their natural state. Or worse, they are poorer both financially and emotionally.”

Of all the things Brooks advises in his book, the area where you should put the most effort is in cultivating these lasting relationships, not just your marriage or relationship, but your whole life as well. Family and Friends.

“The point is to find people you can grow with, people you can trust, no matter what comes your way.”

Sometimes the hardest part of happiness is determining what will help us achieve nirvana in old age. Dina Glouberman, author of the classic revival guidebook in the middle world The joy of exhaustionwe recommend that we head towards a happy place ourselves to find out what this entails.

“Imagine a time in the future,” said Glouberman, whose new book ImageWorka guide to transformational change, published in April, “one year, five years from now, and imagine what is making you happy, and then leave your future in the present for a while.” some advice on what you want.”

On the contrary, she recommends imagining an unhappy future to figure out what you need to avoid. She is her own best advertisement for this method. At 76, she used her own methods to find out that she didn’t want extra days off or money, she wanted to feel creative. “And the next day, I started recommending my book.”

© Telegraph Media Group Ltd 2022