‘Tories should side with Russian oligarchs after Vladimir Putin invades Ukraine’ – Mark Steel

Mark Steel says ministers should be strict when it comes to Russian oligarchs in the UK. Secretary James Cleverly says Russians who donate to the Conservatives are ‘running away from Putin’

Vladimir Putin addresses the nation
Vladimir Putin addresses the nation

One by one, the British ministers gave stern speeches: “We will be POWERFUL and RELIABLE against Putin and the evil currency of Russia.”

This sounds convincing, because over the last few years we’ve been really tough on his oligarchs.

For starters, we allowed them to buy half of the London property, which must have given them an absolute nightmare in completing their investigations and arranging for removal trucks.

Maybe next week we’ll get even more serious and announce that when a tycoon buys a riverfront apartment, they have to wait an extra day before getting a parking permit.

One of them, Lubov Chernukhin, donated millions to the Conservative Party and played tennis with Boris Johnson.

I suppose we’re even tougher now, if she played another game Boris would hit the ball really hard.

Chelsea’s Russian owner, Roman Abramovich


AFP via Getty Images)

Minister James Cleverly said Russian donors to the Conservatives were “on the run from Putin”.

Maybe this is why the sanctions they first announced only affected 5 Russian banks and 3 Russian oligarchs. All others are fleeing from Putin.

For example, Roman Abramovich, the Russian billionaire who bought Chelsea, is hiding from Putin.

Fortunately, he has found a great place to hide, which is the director’s room at Stamford Bridge, where I would expect him to be journaling like Anne Frank. This includes confusing words like “I heard a knock on the door.

People wait to board the evacuation train from Kyiv to Lviv at Kyiv Central Railway Station



“My heart skipped a beat. Is this Putin’s agent? I’m lucky, the goalkeeper is happy that we beat Barcelona.”

Its tough stance is also why this government has worked hard to stop inflatable boats from crossing the canal. Some of those refugees may be oligarchs from Russia and it is essential that we stop them.

But somehow they snuck in on a private plane and got dual citizenship and deposited millions of rubles in our bank and donated to the Conservative Party, evil scoundrels.

So now we can rest easy that we are in safe hands, as Defense Secretary Ben Wallace said, for example: “We kicked the Russians in the back in 1853 in Crimea, We could do it again.” That’s the plan, isn’t it? Maybe Ben will go out there on his own to kick them in the back like we did in 1853.

Boris Johnson announced sanctions against Russia


POOL/AFP via Getty Images)

He can catch Jacob Rees-Mogg, who will tell us he cleaned his muskets and he will humiliate the Russians by challenging them to a Latin test.

At this critical time, this is who we are in charge of.

It would be more reassuring if a BBC broadcaster said: “Now, to hear the latest on alarming events in Ukraine, we will hear a statement directly from Bez, dancer of Happy Mondays. .”

Then he would explain, “Yeah, there’s like tanks and everything, you know, it’s like, heavy.”

In any case, just as Boris Johnson said he was going to get tough on Putin, it is certain that in 18 months we will see pictures of Putin on the night of the invasion, drinking beer with Liz Truss and Boris Johnson in garden at No10.

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Fry Electronics Team

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