Trump, Musk, Farage and Morgan: Like a superhero movie without good guys

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

Sometimes there is no good guy, it’s just bad guy versus bad guy.

This week we saw Elon Musk (who, lest we forget, named his child X Æ A-XII – X and once tweeted live how he takes a shit) accepted his offer to buy Twitter, this one notorious haven for Russian bots. Nursing home for people who are wrong about absolutely everything, and a hell hole all around.

The big question is whether Musk, who has said he wants to make Twitter a bastion of free speech, will let banned figures like spray-tan enthusiast Donald Trump back in.

The former US President may not be back on Twitter just yet, but he was back in the news this week after storming out of an interview with Piers Morgan, at a meeting where a man once described as a “mangled apricot hellbeast” was described, competed against one synchronized a “sentient ham”.

Trump vs Morgan is a bit like a football game where not only do you not want either team to win, but where the only reasonably satisfying outcome is the stadium being lifted off the ground by a hurricane and dumped into the ocean will.

The reason for Trump’s tantrum, Morgan said, was that he was handed a “dossier” detailing all the criticism the British presenter had leveled in recent years. Who handed over the file, you ask? None other than Brexiteer and Brown Noser-in-Chief Nigel Farage (Trump, Morgan and Farage! I’ll need about 30 showers after I finish this column).

Meanwhile, Farage made comedy gold this week. “For years I was getting 30,000 new Twitter followers a month and most tweets got more than 5,000 retweets,” he says humbly boasted. “Now I’ve had no growth for 18 months and engagement is at an all-time low. Thousands of others feel the same way. Twitter’s algorithm needs to change now – and fast!” He’s absolutely right, of course, to blame Twitter’s algorithm and not the fact that Farage, with no Brexit advocates and no pretend friend in the White House, was about ​​​​Relevant is like a Betamax video player (younger readers, ask your grandparents).

Rumors that Vladimir Putin was too busy waging war to have his bot army follow Farage on Twitter were unconfirmed at press time. Maybe it’s something Musk should consider once the acquisition is complete.



“Hello and welcome to my TED Talk on Coping with the Midlife Crisis.”

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Last week we gave you this photo:


Thanks for all entries. Here’s the best of our mailbag – there’s no prize but the gift of laughter, which I think is far more valuable than cash or alcohol.

“The US President and Some Guy in a Blue Tie,” by Alastair Gardner.

Paul Dalison is POLITICS‘s slot news editor. Trump, Musk, Farage and Morgan: Like a superhero movie without good guys

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