“Untouched Tories think they’ve found the solution to poverty” – Mark Steel

Mark Steel says Conservative MPs would tell someone who finds it hard to live off Universal Credit to stop working in a hospital and go into Formula 1 racing instead

Several Conservative MPs have kindly offered advice to the poor and hungry.

For example, Rachel Maclean suggested that if you’re struggling, you could “move to a better-paying job.”

Finally someone has discovered the solution to poverty.

When a woman complains to social services that she can’t support her children, she should be told, “Have you thought about becoming queen? She seems to be doing everything right, so instead of grumbling, why not do the same as her?”

If you’re having a hard time making a living on Universal Credit, stop working in a hospital and go into Formula 1 racing instead. You may have to travel to Brazil and China and pour champagne on the winner, but you can’t complain if you’re not ready to ennoble yourself.

Many people debate why recessions happen. For example, in the 1930s, hundreds of millions of people starved to death as industries in Europe, America and Australia shut down.

Now we know that the most likely reason is that they all chose to be poor at the same time. There was a craze for going barefoot and living with mice, like Wordle’s current one, until everyone changed their minds and decided to afford food.

Tory MP Lee Anderson said food banks are “largely unnecessary” but are being used because people can’t cook properly.

I agree! We have forgotten the old trades that used to make ends meet.

In the past, when we couldn’t afford a meal, we became highwaymen, stopping carriages as they headed for London and taking sacks of gold coins from them.

If we wanted something right away, we’d hold up a musket and demand, “Get up and deliver a cheese and pickle sandwich.”

Or we would prepare imaginary meals that cost absolutely nothing. Steamed Armadillo with Dodo Egg has always been a favorite and it’s packed with nutrients. These lawmakers could go to a famine-stricken area of ​​Somalia and tell hungry people to stop sitting around covered in flies and instead become the owner of a computer software company in Los Angeles.

You might even make a charity record, “Feed the world, learn to make soup out of pebbles.”

The Conservative Party often emphasizes that it is the party of the Church and that is why. They follow the teachings of Jesus who, as the Bible says: “Stand before thousands who were hungry, with only five loaves and two fish. And Jesus said to them: “You have lost the art of stretching it. Take half a crumb at a time and boil it up with dust from the mountains of Galilee, cover with cling film and place in the freezer. You should have enough for three weeks. Otherwise you won’t tell me you’re starving.

Also this week it was announced that Chancellor Rishi Sunak was ranked 222nd on the Sunday Times rich list with £730m. If that leaves him short, I advise him to switch to a better paying number like 17 to help him make ends meet.