Vicky Pattison said she was worried she would “take the same path” as her father and become an alcoholic, leading to her children being “broken”.
star Geordie Shore, who is known for her excessive drinking, said that while she didn’t want to emulate her father’s behaviour, there was a time in her life when she was “just like him”.
It comes ahead of the release of her new Channel 4 documentary Vicky Pattison: My Dad, Alcohol and Me.
Pattison, 34, said she hopes the film will “bring more sunlight into alcoholism and break the stigma surrounding it”.
Speaking to The Times Magazine, she talked about Geordie Shore and how her fellow “members” have become known for their “sexy” binge drinking habits.
Pattison says she feels “a stomach ache” watching clips from the Newcastle-based reality show, and that she “didn’t like the person it made me become”.
“I believe I’m my father’s daughter, so it’s going to happen sooner or later and it doesn’t really matter when,” she told The Times.
“A lot of people on the show had a really good time and got funny and silly and then stopped. That was never me. I don’t have an off switch and I’ve never been a drunk.”
Pattison added that she “doesn’t blame” the show’s producers, but at 22 doesn’t have the skills to “navigate when surrounded by so much alcohol”.
The reality TV star was arrested in 2013 after throwing a shoe at a bar injuring a woman and an employee.
She was suspended from Geordie Shore and said she had attempted suicide but was supported by her sister and a friend.
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She returned to the show for two more films and eventually quit in 2014.
She told The Times that she remembers being used “as a walking stick” by her father, John, and that as she got older, his drinking got worse.
“When you grow up with something, you just think it’s normal,” she says.
“I thought all the houses were noisy. Dad used to fall a lot. “
“The boys don’t want to knock on my door because dad can be scary. I don’t want to be like him. But in points, I resemble him.
“The idea that alcoholism is some kind of gene scared me and made me think I had no choice but to follow the same path. I found myself needing to take steps to change things.”
Pattinson says she wants to be a mother despite her doubts and hopes that her new documentary will help people better understand the lives of alcoholics and their children.
“I didn’t understand and I used to get mad – angry at my dad and angry at myself, because I found myself destroying everything I prayed for and I couldn’t stop,” she said.
Regarding her previous statement that she would not have children, she said: “The real reason is because I have all of my dad’s problems and addictions, and I’m so scared my kids will end up having kids. like me: broken.”
She currently lives in north London with her fiance, The Only Way Is Essex star Ercan Ramadan, and despite maintaining a “complicated” relationship with alcohol, she is adamant that herself not an alcoholic.
“It was a slippery slope from socializing to becoming dependent and addicted,” she said.
“I danced with that all my adult life. But I know I have the ability to turn into someone I don’t want to be and have a life I don’t want to have.
“My dad never wanted anything more than a glass of wine. But I want everything. “
Teasing the documentary on Instagram, Pattison described it as a “pinch me moment”.
“I made this documentary to bring more sunlight to alcoholism and break the stigma surrounding it,” she said.
“I have never had a healthy relationship with alcohol myself – but I am trying to get better, trying to stop my bad habits and hoping to have a life filled with the things I love and the things I love. who loves me.
“Instead of a really dark alternative, I believed myself was waiting for me.”
https://www.independent.ie/entertainment/vicky-pattison-worried-she-would-go-the-same-way-as-her-alcoholic-father-41844347.html Vicky Pattison Worried She Will ‘Walk The Same Road’ With Her Alcoholic Dad