WHEN Lynda Labi and her husband Ben tell people they sleep in separate bedrooms, they are often asked if everything is okay.
But the couple have been married for 15 years and believe that is the key to their strong relationship. . . and great sex.
Lynda, 38, who owns a baby stroller business, said of people’s reaction: “They thought we were arguing or dividing.
“But they couldn’t be more wrong. Our arrangement made me want my husband even more. It’s the key to a lasting marriage and even better sex.”
They met in 2007 after Lynda bought a TV on Gumtree from a friend of account manager Ben, and went to get it.
They moved in together in 2009, married in 2016 and now have son Micah, four, and daughter Cianna, two.
Lynda said: “We dated for two years before we lived in the same place and never slept in the same bed. I would go to his house for dinner, we would make love and then he would drive me home when I lived five minutes away. We just prefer our own bed. “
According to a survey by the National Bed Federation, one survey found that one in six couples living together sleeps apart.
Lynda said: “We tried to sleep in a king-size bed at first but it only lasted a few weeks before we couldn’t work it out.
‘I can surprise Ben in the shower’
“We both love the bed and the space. Ben hates any noise when he’s asleep, even when I’m breathing. I hate sharing covers. So we decided to sleep separately.”
They even kept this on their wedding night. “We have our own beds in the same hotel suite,” says Lynda. It shocked friends. They think I must be a parasite.
“But I told them that was the secret to a happy marriage. On our honeymoon, we went to Japan and stayed in separate rooms, but our love life was not affected.”
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Even as parents, they are determined not to give up the tried and tested path in their three-bedroom home.
Lynda said: “Our kids share a room, so Ben and I can both have our own space. It means he’s always fresh for work and to help me take care of the kids.”
The Welwyn Garden couple, Herts, certainly didn’t let their sex life slip. “We make love three times a week,” she said. We make suggestions or surprise each other and it creates more spark. Having our own bed makes us more spontaneous.
“If the kids are on the bed and we’re on the sofa, we can make love there. Or I could surprise Ben in the shower. We have date nights at home when the kids are asleep.
“I’ll put on a little makeup and nice lingerie. It makes our love life more special. We try to have sex together more. There are times when I’ll sneak into bed. of him in the night. We kept guessing.”
Ben, 39, says: “Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to share a bed. Respecting your husband or wife’s space and sleeping habits is important.
“Lynda and I have an incredible love life because we have our own beds. Sleeping separately makes me look forward to kisses, cuddles and sex with my wife. It doesn’t kill the fire, it burns. burn it.”
We make suggestions or surprise each other and it creates more spark. Having our own bed makes us more spontaneous.
Couples sleeping apart is increasingly common, according to the British Sleep Council’s Great Bedtime Report.
It’s been dubbed the “sleep divorce” and is often included to improve the situation – but experts say it can help improve happiness and relationships.
Julia and Matt Champion have been like that for more than a decade of their 18-year relationship. Julia, who has two daughters Rosie, 15, and Bella, 13, with Matt, moved into the extra room after Rosie was born and did not return.
The 53-year-old talent manager in Sydenham, South East London, says: “As any new parent knows, it’s exhausting to wake up at night to breastfeed or settle for a baby. I need to sleep when I can.
“But Matt snores really loudly, especially when he has a few drinks, and when my kids don’t keep me awake it’s him. This went on for a few months, and I was broke.
“So I went into the extra room. Although I could still hear him snoring at times, at least I could close my eyes between the two girls waking up. We don’t consider sleeping in the rooms. Separation is a problem – it’s just a means to an end.”
Julia and Matt, 51, who work in advertising, moved into a larger house in August 2019 but kept separate rooms.
‘Great sex, but can’t sleep’
She said: “I have a nice big room in the front, with great dimensions. Matt’s cave is at the back of the house, on another floor – so I can’t hear him snoring. The kids couldn’t remember anything differently.
“And when I tell friends or family, at least half of them tell me in a low voice that they do the same – it’s not as rare as people think. It does not negatively affect our love life.
“It keeps it fresh and interesting. It allows us to put in more effort. The thought of waking up to morning breath – really gives me a stomach ache. There is no shame in sleeping in separate beds.”
Rio Woolford and fiance Lloyd Harries have chosen to sleep overtime. The couple from Burghfield, Berks, met on Tinder in 2019.
Rio, 28, a logistics planner, said: “We knew we wanted to be together from the first meeting and within a week were living together. We slept in my one-bedroom apartment for seven days.
“But Lloyd snores like a train and I can’t sleep. I flipped the blanket over and we both couldn’t sleep. We had great sex, but couldn’t sleep.”
People can’t understand how a couple who is planning a wedding doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed.
Lloyd, 26, a salesman, had a two-bedroom apartment, so they moved there – but with separate rooms.
“For us, it was as natural as falling in love,” said Rio. We both have special sleep needs.
“I need to close the windows and a completely dark room to sleep. If there’s a twinkle, I won’t be able to relax.
“While, Lloyd likes open windows and natural light from outside. We both have important, busy careers and often conflicting schedules. If either of us doesn’t get a good night’s sleep, we get cranky. ”
The couple got engaged in May 2020 but still refused to share a bedroom. “People can’t understand how a couple planning a wedding doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed,” Rio said.
But they have plenty of date nights and keep their sex lives on track in other ways.
“We make love four or five times a week,” says Lloyd. Every night Rio and I snuggled up in bed to watch TV. We would cuddle, talk and make love – but then sleep in our own beds. It means we give each other great sleep and great sex. “
It makes sense but can be risky
RELATIONSHIP AND SEX EXPERIENCE Kate Taylor says: “Yes, you can have a close relationship in separate bedrooms.
“Many famous couples – including Victoria and David Beckham, Gwyn Paltrow and TV producer Brad Falchuk – have chosen his couple. Sharing love doesn’t mean you like to sleep in the same bed. Shift work, different work schedules, menopause night sweats, and breastfeeding are all easier to manage in a separate bed.
“However, there are still risks. Unhappy couples can use a separate room as the first step toward a separate life, so make sure you’re both committed to the relationship.
“If you don’t cuddle regularly, you lose the affection due to the hormone oxytocin that binds, so make sure you kiss and cuddle before saying goodnight. If you’d like to try sleeping alone, set a regular sleep routine where the two of you sleep together.
“Make time for each other before bed, such as curling up with a movie, exercising, or chatting. And find a fun way to signal whether you’re ready for an impromptu sexy visit, such as using a “do not disturb” sign.
https://www.thesun.ie/fabulous/8300135/married-sleep-separate-beds-sex/ We are married but sleep in separate beds