Lifestyle

Why isn’t my boyfriend silent about how much he loves his ex?

My boyfriend and I have been seriously dating for two years. He was previously married for 25 years; He and his ex-wife divorced 9 years ago and have two grown children. They have a great relationship. But I don’t like his frequent social media posts that remind him of falling in love with her – like the outfit she wore when he first saw her – and he still loves her. how much. These posts often include hearts and kissing emojis. I told him they were hurting me, but he said he was free to post whatever he wanted on social media. He also said he loves me and that’s all that matters. Think?

GIRLFRIEND

You definitely have a social media problem. But I think it’s limited by more troubling issues: Your boyfriend dismisses your hurt feelings even after you told him he hurt you and he still maintain a strong (and public) relationship with his ex-wife. Does he also post sentimental posts about you?

His connection to his ex is understandable. They have spent decades together. His affections for her (especially as the mother of their children) can sustain any desire to marry her. My bigger concern here is your involvement with a man who believes his social media freedom is more important than your rational feelings.

I know you’ve raised this issue with him already. However, it might be worth trying again, if the circumstances weren’t right before. Find a quiet time when you can discuss the matter calmly. Maybe the benefit of this relationship for you is more than your boyfriend’s posts or his feelings for his ex-wife. No relationship is perfect. I just want to make sure you feel safe and loved inside of you. You have?

My 16-year-old daughter often greets an older boy with an intellectual disability at school. He had graduated, and she hadn’t seen him for more than a year. Somehow, he got her phone number and now calls her several times a day. His mother had just passed away unexpectedly, and he was in great pain. I can tell my daughter feels hurt about this, but she never happened to get to know him. I told her she could talk to him briefly every few days, but I could tell that this was becoming stressful for her. How should I handle this?

MOM

A few remarks: The term “intellectual disability” describes a range of limitations in a person’s cognition. We know nothing about this young man; So let’s be careful to avoid armchair diagnoses. Also, you wrote “I can tell” twice when describing your daughter’s feelings. However, inviting her to talk about her feelings may be more helpful to your daughter than letting you guess.

I understand that multiple calls a day from an old acquaintance can be frustrating. But I was more concerned about this young man’s grief over his mother’s death. I recommend calling his father now to express your condolences and – more importantly – your concern about his son’s emotional state. He might need help! You can also ask how he wants to handle his son’s unsolicited calls to your daughter.

Several homes on our block have been sold recently. My husband and I wanted to meet our new neighbors and cultivate some block spirit. We are planning a dessert gathering in our backyard. Unfortunately, one of our neighbors is a mean bully. He shunned the wonderful people who lived on both sides of him in episodes that were entirely his fault. Can we invite everyone in the block except him?

NEIGHBOR

We all behave badly sometimes. However, I remain skeptical that human traits are all bad. You haven’t shared details about your neighbor’s meanness and bullying or how you’d rate these episodes as “completely his fault.”

Removing him from your group is unlikely to improve matters. (It’s like you’re proposing to the bully.) Why not be generous and invite him? It’s just dessert in your backyard. Who knows? Your act of kindness can turn things around and wake him up for the better.

My friend is fostering a dog from an animal shelter where I volunteer. We’re both in our 20s and juggling some part-time gigs. So our lives are chaotic. Problem: I never see her walking the dog or at the nearby park. I fear that the dog she is fostering (a very active breed) is not enough. Can I ask about this?

GENE

Be careful not to accuse your friend of doing a bad job in fostering dogs just because you didn’t see them on the street. Perhaps, there are many hours each day when you are indoors or away. Instead, ask how things are going with the dog and what their daily routine is like.

If you’re still concerned, be content with the level of exercise a healthy dog ​​requires. You can even offer to help with walking. I know you mean well, but the evidence of neglect is lacking. And monitoring your friends’ behavior is probably none of your business.


For help with your dilemma, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/24/style/social-qs.html Why isn’t my boyfriend silent about how much he loves his ex?

Fry Electronics Team

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